That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.
I decided I wanted to start trying to write out my dreams, possibly because of an offhand remark that I read in an Order of Nine Angles MSS about the work and significance of H.P. Lovecraft. I could be misremembering but there was a passage that I recall where they mentioned H.P. Lovecraft's attemps to write out his own dreams and said that due to his own lack of control over them, they weren't particularly useful for any kind of esoteric or occult purposes. One of my other inspirations is I realized I had a favorite dream journal, Lovely Sweet Dream, one of the companion pieces that went with the game LSD Dream Emulator. Lately I've been trying to read a book about lucid dreaming, but for now the more useful item was a video from Religion for Breakfast, one of my favorite channels, on the subject of dreams and religion. One of the points I took from it is that dreams which are deemed religiously significant are always socially negotiated and tend to follow certain criteria, and that "stickier" dreams are often those that tend to become significant in any given religious community with an emphasis placed on the navigation of dreams. I doubt any of my dreams will ever be that socially significant but I consider it a tantalizing exercise to start trying to write my own down, for no particular purpose other than forcing myself to commit to a little bit of writing every day. I don't plan to date any of them because at some point I might want to try to write down dreams that I remember from a long time ago.
The first one that I remember explicitly was that I dreamt I was in some kind of film, it felt like a parody of Dune and I believe the title of it was Duke, it felt like it was a mockumentary style movie about a character like Paul Atreides going around Space Africa uniting three different groups of people for some kind of trek through the desert. I feel like one group of people looked like Tibetan Buddhist monks but it's hard to remember. At some point I was at some kind of college party, the building looked like the one where I regularly go to Bible Study. In a later dream before I woke up again it was the middle of winter, snow was everywhere, I was at school, maybe an elementary school I went to when I was younger, and I was walking through a big grass field to try to get away from my mother. She was going to scold me over something. I woke up as I was trying to climb a fence and having difficulties because of how heavy my boots felt, I think they were going to get the police to chase me for something. Later I remember I was trying to escape some kind of authorities again, I was in a very fast boat and people were getting angry at me because I was driving the boat through groups of children trying to swim. Before that, I was in an argument with the King and someone who looked like one of his officiaries. I was trying to escape a punishment of flogging after I had already signed a paper admitting my guilt. I was frustrated because I managed to find out that although we are equally subjects of the crown, the laws seemed to apply differently to myself and I said it was "because the King said so." At the top of a building that looked like the Estrild Library I saw Dr. C with someone else at the bottom. Up there I complained that I could have anyone against me, but it would ruin my career if the Hegel Society of America was against me in any way. If it feels like I'm going backwards in time it's because it's a little easier to back rather than start at the beginning. I remember there were some kind of giant robots that were going to go down to where I complained where there was an entire lower level of the building that was overgrown with plants and other things. I shot some kind of monster for them in what looked like a giant theater, similar to the theater in a game called The Suffering: Ties That Bind. Eventually all of the various offices I called coalesced into some kind of Galactic governmental force that went out to neutralize enemies amongst the Galaxy. They were so compact that it looked more like I was looking at a map of data than anything else, as they fought it looked like a visualization of the cells of the body fighting and encircling foreign bodies and neutralizing them. The armies were starting to get frustrated because they started to feel more and more useless. The last thing I remember was someone trying to talk to me on instant messaging and I was ignoring their messages. They had the profile picture of some kind of humanoid robot. One of my favorite things that happens in my dreams is when I get to try to speak in French, but somehow, not everyone understands me when I try. Figures of my dreams rarely if ever try to speak French with me unfortunately. I remember one dream I had, probably a few months ago, where my mom had a different husband (or perhaps the same but with hair) and he was able to speak with me in French and even sounded like a native speaker.
The first I explicitly remember was I was at my friend's house and I was impressed by his father's home theater. It had benches and everything. I vaguely remember that before I woke up for the first time I was riding a red dragon after some kind of sequence that reminded me of Lord of the Rings. The dragon was able to talk to me and she had the voice of a woman, but I don't recall what she talked to me about. We were getting attacked by other dragons and as I was waking up I was trying to get her to shoot fire out of her mouth. During that sequence I attended the funeral of Legolas with my mother for some reason. It was a fairly large event and I was confused because I was never under the impression that he died in the movies. It looked like a bunch of people dressed up for a Renaissance fair in the middle of a forest at daytime, by a stream which was going to carry his body off on a boat. In the movie theater I was watching a 22 minute short film based on a joke in an episode of Rick and Morty where they pretend to be intelligent aliens to trap SETI researchers in the display case of an alien that collects various alien species. The only difference was that the alien that was looking around at them was actually the alien's father and because Jerry and Beth (who were in the display case for some reason) were misbehaving and being argumentative, he called his son down who was much larger. In retaliation, the alien gave Jerry some kind of alien disease which caused him to break up into smaller pieces, which looked blue and rather disturbing, each of which would have its own sets of eyes and mouths. Kind of like the Cronenbergs in another episode but all of them were much smaller, vaguely humanoid, and blue. When turned into smaller fragments like that, after a while it would happen again to all of them and the amount of splits would increase exponentially, and as a result they'd look even more horrifying. Eventually Beth reveals that she was hiding the entire time after the Jerries all start to coalesce back into one shape. I think at some point they argued about something but I can't really remember what it was about. Jerry and Beth banged on the glass really hard and caused it to break and they escaped, to the cheering of the rest of the aliens trapped. Another that I remember before I woke up was I was hanging out at some kind of abandoned building with friends and for some reason myself and all of these friends were going to get sent to fight in Vietnam. We ended up recreating the scene from Full Metal Jacket where Joker meets Animal Mother for the first time. A cop comes by to bust us but it turns out to be a different cop than the one we were afraid of. At that point I had a sense of deja vu and had the impression that this was a dream I had been in before and that's why I expected a different outcome. The other day I remember a dream where I was trying to find videos from the Tribune of the People YouTube channel on the Internet Archive. To this day I'm still pissed that they took all the videos down. Another dream that I remember from a while back that I really enjoyed was ending up in this sort of 2 dimensional space that I realize now looked a lot like Moonside, in the sense that everything was black and had outlines of different colors. Another that I remember that I somewhat enjoyed was where I was exploring my old high school and I was going through the walls to find ancient corridors that had long fallen into disuse. It felt like being somewhere I shouldn't be.
I had a dream that my ex-roommate got me a black Ferrari as a gift but that the only reason he was able to was because the internals were complete junk and it was slow as hell. On top of that for some reason I also had a brown horse. At one point, due to dream logic, I was kind of using both at the same time. I drove the car as I had the horse on a sort of leash. At some point while I was driving the Ferrari around I came across a group of four women in pink bikinis that I wanted to show off to, miraculously the car started working fine again so I got to floor it for them. At some point a purple Lamborghini with a giant mohawk drove up to me to race but for some reason he started off-roading. At some point I started driving more on the country back-roads, it was the middle of autumn and all of the leaves were either gold or orange. I was looking for a creek that we could all swim at. At some point it felt like I was driving through corridors and eventually there was only me left, going down these corridors in the middle of a forest that started to look more and more like the corridors that you'd find waiting in line for a ride at Disneyland, but I had the impression that it was something for the Boy Scouts.
The dream I remember the most clearly is I was back at my aunt's old house and I was doing something with my family, my sister was there and she seemed in very good spirits until her hair started to fall out again. She looked visibly upset and went to the bathroom to start to try to replace it. I left to a room no one else was in and I started to cry profusely. The crying felt more real than I would've otherwise felt comfortable with. I woke up after that into a fit of sleep paralysis and I couldn't move at all. I've been having these experiences where I wake up from dreaming but it feels like I wake up into another dream where I'm laying in a dream version of my bedroom stuck in sleep paralysis and part of the dream is trying to shake myself out of it. My motivation was that I wanted to wake up and cry in the waking world. I went back to sleep and I started dreaming about bizarre scenes from Harry Potter. I think it was the Goblet of Fire film. At some point I thought about how the first three films were good and then it started to go downhill with the third. Ron Weasly did something of merit and I saw them put his name in the Goblet of Fire by writing his name on a piece of paper with a wand from a distance and using the same wand to levitate it into the goblet. There was going to be some kind of concert and I remember that Harry was going to play the synthesizer. The drum kit, for some reason, had some kind of board attached to it that looked like a synth panel and had things for filters and other stuff that made it seem like effects were being applied to the individual drum pieces. Back at my aunt's, I was playing with 3 cats. One of them I really liked, another was the white cat my mom has. My mom's cat and one of the others weren't getting along very well so that's when we decided to let them out into the rest of the house so that they'd have more room. I remember at this point my aunt, a different one from the other side of the family, and my brother were talking about my sister and her hair problem and said that it was partially my father's fault because of all the stuff that he'd do to her hair when she was young and that part of her frustration was that he couldn't do anything to fix it. I remember dreaming that I was at work and one of the people at the house I work at wanted to check the mail but I'm always afraid that he'll run off so I went to do it myself. It was raining so I wrapped myself in a blanket and went to the mailbox which was larger on the inside than it was on the outside. It was full of snacks, giant bags of spicy chips, and pasta, but just the noodles. I remember I was dressed in a leather jacket with a red Marilyn Manson armband. Underneath I was dressed the same as I was for the last 2 days before my day off, in all black clothing with my Louis Althusser shirt that I got off of the internet. I think I was there for the meeting that I have to go to later today. I typically wake up naturally at the same time each day but I only ever remember my dreams lately somewhat vividly if I take the time to go back to sleep for another couple of hours. I don't typically remember the ones from before waking up the first time, but sometimes I do if they make a big enough impression on me or if the imagery was detailed enough to want to remember. One dream that I remember from a long time ago that I have a written record of somewhere else on an old cell phone is walking around in the downtown area of some smaller city in the part of the city with all of the churches and trying to walk into one of the Catholic churches that I thought looked nice, it looked less like a church on the inside and more like a house and had two different floors. I remember somewhere in the house I found a hanging portrait of Chairman Mao. My fascination with the architecture of churches is a motif that's showed up in my dreams before, I remember another one a long time ago where I wandered into another one that also looked fairly Catholic, perhaps Gothic, but on the floor was a mural that I can hardly remember the details of but that I remember being fairly shocking and gruesome, with the letters of a language I've never seen before surrounding it and flowing out of it. It looked quite bloody and involved two monsters and what appeared to be some kind of ritual dagger but I couldn't make out what they were doing, the only thing I could still make out distinctly were their sharp teeth and entirely white eyes. The congregation present looked just like the monsters depicted on the floor. I stared into their eyes but they didn't move. I'm a simple man, every time I've ever become lucid in a dream the very first thing I do is find the first person I like and try to have sex with them before I wake up, because I've learned that whenever I become lucid it's only a matter of time before I wake up so I have to move quickly. One time I stuck my dick in some kind of alien plant looking thing. I remember I was either in the dream thinking about it or waking up thinking about it, but I had the thought that I should read a book on screenwriting so I could write the script for an episode of Ugly Americans about something like the Satanic Front.
The last thing that I remember before I woke up was I was in the middle of a giant lecture hall with those sorts of semi-circular seats at the university I go to and there was a big commotion because a bunch of dudes were in one side of the room playing basketball in their seats with only one goal and the basketball flew across the room to the other side of the seating and hit someone. They started arguing and after that died down you could hear all the guys arbitrarting the rules of the game like they were having some sort of legal discussion. It's difficult to remember the transition but eventually I got up from my seat and I went over to the whiteboard in front of everyone because I was bored and wanted to try something that I thought would be fun, and said to the entire classroom that I was both a socialist and a communist and that I'd be willing to answer any questions they had to the best of my ability, not necessarily to attempt to persuade or convince but merely to satiate their curiosity should they have any. One of the things that I remember preparing to say before actually getting to say it, was that if anyone were to ask me "do commmunists want to make everyone equal" I would've responded with something like, "for myself, I think the trippier thing about communism and what brings Marx closer to people like the Christian or the Sufi mystics is that I don't think it's necessarily about 'making' everyone equal or anything like that, but helping you to slowly realize the radical equality that you already share with everyone around you, the sentence he uses, and I apologize for having to use an antiquated term is, 'the Negro is just a Negro, it's the mode of production and society which determines whether he's a slave or a king.' I'm paraphrasing that from something of his I think, but I can't remember what it's from or if it's even a quote from him." I remember being concerned because a lot more hands went up to ask me questions than I expected and I basically decided to just go from left to right across the entire room. Before that I went to some kind of church thing and I met a girl by the name of Kaylee who I thought was pretty, but more importantly our senses of humor aligned so I wanted to talk to her more, I added her on discord and I walked around campus with her with one of her friends who I was a little concerned she was dating. I don't think I figured out if they were or not. For some reason in my dream the university had its own shopping mall and before we were able to walk into it we had to walk through a metal detector. I met Kaylee at some kind of church thing at the university and I remember the person giving the presentation looked fairly young and I wanted to interrupt them but didn't, it was beacuse I noticed that on all of the slides for the presentation they decided to use AI generated artworks that I thought looked horrendous, there was one where Jesus was on the cross looking like the caveman from those old Geico commercials. I remember expecting the whole thing to be Christian Nationalist propaganda but thinking that all of the interpretations of the Christian message felt rather milquetoast and liberal by contrast. I don't really remember much from before my dream ended up at the university. Before I moved to the city I currently live in I was plagued by recurring dreams of either being in high school again or visiting the high school I went to. Sometimes I'd have bizarre dreams where it turns out they found out that I actually failed some class and therefore had to go back even though I was already in my 20's. I think my favorites are where I'm exploring the derelict and forbidden corners of my high school. I'm starting to slowly remember that before I was at the university I was at my aunt's house again, this time in the upstairs area. I remember that when I was a kid my aunt's house had I think 4 different bedrooms upstairs but one of them was on the other side of the house and mostly empty, and smelled like dog shit. In my dream, in the sort of upstairs living room was one of those L shaped desks that had my cousin's gaming PC. I remember that in one of the bedrooms someone, but I don't quite remember who, was trapped somewhere in there. To explain it, sometimes in dreams rooms and spaces are bigger on the inside than they are on the outside, and sometimes you can sort of no-clip into other sections and areas. It seems as if they kind of no-clipped into a wall and entered what I see as the dream version of the backrooms, except instead of an infinite space of near completely empty office space with yellow walls, it feels more like you're in an infinite indoor construction site, there's all kinds of derelict wooden beams and other things, all of the floors are concrete and the walls are basically either concrete too or just drywall, and it's always dark and has a sort of vaguely blue hue. It feels like the cross between an infinite construction site and a dungeon. I never mind exploring those spaces but I think they could be kind of sinister or foreboding to other people. Before that I remember I was playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas or something. Whenever I'm playing a video game in a dream it's sort of like my entire field of vision becomes the video game rather than just watching the screen, but not exactly like VR either. I was playing a character that was doing some kind of race and eventually the race ended up on this very thin wooden bridge over water that seemed like it was meant for only one person to pass at a time, my character, or myself, who knows, ended up getting into fights with a bunch of people as I brushed up against them. Eventually when I was at the very end of the bridge I got into a fight with someone and fell off and started falling on these cliffs and by the time I got the bottom I transitioned between the cliffs to those sorts of infinite backrooms I mentioned earlier. I think from here on out I'll refer to that particular zone of my dream as the backrooms for lack of a better or more easily understandable term, I might come up with another one later. A long time ago I made a dream home base out of a cave that I found when I went inside of an abandoned business building that looked like the front of the kind of business you'd see on a strip mall, unfortunately I have never been able to remember in a dream that I want to go back to visit it. I remember that one time when I had a lucid dream I tried to spruce the place up a bit and make it more comfortable, it felt like a cross between a cave and a mansion. I think I even had a pool table. I remember one particularly striking piece of imagery that I saw in a dream one time was three dug graves in the middle of the courtyard of what appeared to be a snowy temple, or perhaps just a mountaintop, and in front of each grave was a torch sticking out of the ground with a skull on the end of it with the top part of the skull cut off so that they were all flat. I also remember that one time in another dream I found some kind of fountain that was really big and felt like a cross between a fountain and a courtyard because it was circular and you could actually walk on it, maybe it was more like a small, incredibly shallow swimming pool. On one end of the shallow pool, connected to the rest of it, was a sort of stone with a face on it that kind of looked like one of the Gossip Stones from Ocarina of Time. I think I remember talking to it but I don't remember what about. One thing that slightly bothers me is that in my dreams I'm really bad at trying to make various objects or people come out of thin air. It feels like most of the time I fail at it.
Went to sleep in the sociology department's lounge for about 2 hours but was woken up by the work group text on my phone, experienced sleep paralysis as I tried to check it, kept waking up into a dream where I was in the sociology lounge and people would come and go through it, but it was definitely a dream because there were 2 different people that I remembered from high school. Can't remember if I saw anyone else in there. I was excited to see one of my old friends and I said something to him like, "I'm gonna wake up to see if you're really here hold on" and then I woke up, possibly into another dream, realized he wasn't there, and said, "damn it, he would be the one to run off on me like that."
I don't really sleep in one big consistent chunk and I'm starting to notice that the hardest part of my lucid dreaming practice isn't thinking or meditating on my consciousness as I fall asleep, but remembering to do the same thing when I wake up for the first or second time in the night. The only dream I remember, mostly in fragments, from the first time I went to bed is flying around my old neighborhood in the middle of the night while being looked for by two fellow Satanic Front members, one of them had red sunglasses like that one character that I remember from the trailer of that A24 Civil War movie that I never actually saw. I think he was the one that had an SF patch on his uniform. Both of them had short, cropped hair and neither of them looked like bodybuilders of the post-apocalypse. Neither of them looked like anyone I had seen in their photos. I remember that in order to get away from them I was floating to the lake that I remember going to a lot when I was a kid but it turns out they thought to look for me there so I tried to float deeper into a dark forest where I could barely see anything. I woke up from that dream at some point and then forgot to go back into a meditative practice and went back to sleep. I remember the dream from that, I was walking around some kind of school campus again and I ended up in this weird elevator looking thing with a floor that kind of looked like a grate, there were 2 other students in there and they told me this room was for people that were dropping out. I was getting ready to talk to them about why they shouldn't drop out before I woke up again. At some point when I was searching the campus I went into a classroom and there were some kids misbehaving and I remember I said something to my friends like, "I think being a teacher is a combination of wanting to help and teach people while also thinking that maybe we should allow teachers to do chokeholds occasionally." I remember I was only really looking for an elevator because I was looking for my friends because we were going to go to some kind of sports game together. When I was walking on the outside of campus along the length of the building I could see the various teams of the school practicing whatever it was that they were trying to do. I woke up from that one and went back to bed. I'm a little deflated because I did so much prepatory work the day before only to achieve the same amount of lucidity, dream clarity, and level of dream recall that I normally achieve on my own without writing about my dreams or attempting any kind of meditative practice or reality checks. But I'll just keep doing the work and see if anything changes. I feel as if I've already forgotten that last dream. There's one other dream that I remember but I don't recall which sleep cycle it was from, my friends and I were somewhere and we were watching a new televised edition of The Addams Family but it was just a pilot. In this one, for some reason, Gomez got divorced and had a new goth wife but the story changes dramatically whenever his first wife, Morticia, re-enters the picture and decides to come back to do something that I don't recall. I don't think my dream gave a particularly good explanation for any of this. My friends thought it was weird because they decided to go a little Rocky Horror Picture Show and decided to write in that Morticia was a trans woman with fake breasts and a bulge, which my friends and I all collectively agreed was really weird, not because there's anything wrong with trying to have a trans character, we just thought it was weird that they went so far to make a character not only trans, but to have done the impossible as well by making Gomez somehow fall out of love with her, which is really the thing that felt more out of character. I remember when I was sitting around away from the TV not really thinking about it anymore I started to cry, my friend asked me what was wrong, and it's because in my waking life the Addams Family was one of the movies my ex-girlfriend introduced me to so whenever I see anything related to it I started thinking about that movie and ultimately I start thinking about her.
The first major dream that I remember was that I was at some kind of fancy Gala with my girlfriend (I don't have one) that was for insufferable rich people that thought they were witty, somehow by the time I got out of there I was with my mom, her husband and my brother. I don't remember too much about her but I remember we were going down an escalator and my girlfriend ran into someone that she actually wanted to try to talk to and network with while we were there and they started to talk to them. I remember I made a lot of snide comments about some of the people that were there and by the time we got down to the main lobby area where everyone was dressed nice I decided to leave her to her networking and wandered off to check out more of the areas where people were giving smaller presentations on various things at little booths. I came across someone whose stuff I found interesting. I think they were pinball machines. When we were leaving, now with my mom, her husband, and my bother, my mom was pissed because her husband had passed out somewhere after going to pick up 3 Star Wars DVDs to take a nap so she felt really offended and decided to take a separate car, on the way to the car I had said something that offended my mother, something like "it doesn't matter if he didn't like the Gala it shouldn't bother you so much" and she said "well then you can walk" and drove off in the truck leaving my brother and I to try to find a way home somehow. Both of us thought we were screwed because neither of us had our phones charged. We walked up and down what looked like various feeder roads of the interstate and eventually we came across a group of people that looked like they were partying in this weird outside courtyard that looked like it was dug into the ground. It looked like something I've been to at my university. I remember that at some point Brian David Gilbert from Polygon tried to show up but people checked to see if he was getting recognized by too many people and since I poked my head out because I wanted to say hi they said there were too many fans and left. At some point I felt really bad and tried to explain the shitty situation I was in with my brother to the crowd of people there and asked if there was any way we could get a ride from any of them. The person who ended up trying their best to help us out was someone with a British accent, I forgot most of their name but I remember their last name was Dempsey, they said they were from another dimension. The more I talked to them, the more I realized that I was talking to Jason Josephson Storm from another dimension and I tried to explain to Dempsey what books they had written in our parallel universe because they were curious about what they were like. I somehow managed to explain the basic gist of his books on Metamodernism, the Myth of Disenchantment, and the Invention of Religion in Japan. I didn't have that hard of a time synopsizing Metamodernism because that was one of his books I had actually read, but I had a harder time with the other two because I had never gotten around to them before. I believe that was the first dream I had before I woke up for the first time. I even try to talk to people about theory in my dreams, looking back on it that's actually one of the only dialogues of my dream that I remember with a fair amount of detail, I still remember somewhat how I tried to explain each book in only a couple sentences. I did my usual cycle of waking up twice in the night. A dream that I remember from the last sleep cycle was that I was driving home from something and I ran a red light while I was drinking a beer and I got pulled over for it. I somehow split into two versions of myself and the one I felt like I was controlling was perfectly sober but the other one was the one doing the cops's sobriety tests. I got mad because the other version of myself was stumbling over a lot and I kept thinking "man you've only had one beer get a grip" so I walked over and had to lift him up and help him with the sobriety tests, I appeared to be invisible to the police so I was able to get them to walk straight again and the cops let me go. When I looked over into the passenger side I noticed there was the cash for the ticket I thought I was going to have to pay already there. I told them I was going to go down to Mexico next time I ever encountered any problems like this and I don't remember if they took it seriously or not. The last dream that I remember before I woke up was attempting to visit my ex-roommates in the house they currently lived in which was in another town, I forgot the name of the town but it definitely wasn't a place I had ever heard of, I think it started with a T. I went to their house and one of the things I noticed was they didn't have a real lawn, it was mostly just reddish pebbles and fake turf, which I said was preferable because of all the water that tends to get wasted on grass and lawns instead of people using natural vegetation. Then I looked around at the lawn and noticed that for some reason there was a sprinkler system anyway. I remember I had a brief vision of one of the houses they tried to rent but weren't able to get into for one reason or another. When I woke up the first time I think I was able to try to slip into a meditative practice and try to stay conscious as I slipped back into the sleep but each time that I wake up the second time my mind is already way too far gone to try to remember so one of the challenges that I'm trying to set for myself is remaining lucid throughout all 3 of my major REM cycles that I seem to get every night.
I don't normally tend to get violent in my dreams, but this time I did. I dreamt of a girl who didn't like me and we got into an argument about it, so I told her to fuck off and floated away. My friend thought it was funny. Then, I came back with a chair and while still floating in the air, threw it at her while in my head I said something like "and they're coming back with the chair" the way an announcer would in a WWE match. Unfortunately after this all of my friends heard about it and I pretty much commit social suicide. I went to a church, of all places, to give confession and while I didn't see my priest I did see a lot of my friends from Bible Study. My family was there and I recognized my uncle. The church itself I remember having primarily white walls with a lot of red lining different parts of the interior. There were flowers all over the stained glass. The priest of the church pulled me to the front and said something to the crowd present that made them cheer but I don't know what, before I knew it I was being held up by a crowd of people as if I was stage diving and put back down in the same spot. I waited awkwardly for a while until asking someone if I was supposed to stay there and he said no, then I said I was just there for confession and nothing else. He told me to follow him to the confession booth and that he had something for me. I followed him and opened the door when he got into his part of the booth. Then, he stuck his cock out of a square shaped hole and I started to yell at him. He came out of the booth and started to argue with me and I started to throw punches at him, before I know it I was joined, of all people, by a bunch of members of the Italian mafia and we all started to beat him while he laid on the ground, then we threw a bunch of towels over his body to shield it from the eyes of god. Somebody had the idea to take out their wallet and throw a dollar bill on him so then everyone else, including myself did. Then people started to throw their IDs on him and even some of their jewewlry and everyone started to complain that he tried the same thing with them too. When we finished I realized my father was one of the men who joined me and I told him that I had started to begin to accept my violent nature and I wanted to be made a member of the family, or at least start working for the family business. He took me to see my grandfather, none other than Vito Corleone dressed like a dandy. Grandpa started to ask if I wanted to be made "a man at arms" and I said yes and he told me to follow him so that he could introduce me to another connected family. My knowledge of the Godfather movies started to flood to my memory and when I saw them I realized that this would be the family that would later betray ours. One of the members must of been around 10 to 12 feet tall and he was incredibly muscular, he pulled out a giant sword from Ancient India to show me as well as his smaller katars that he said were made with mithril "to reduce recoil." I think I called the sword a talwar but I don't think that's accurate, and it wasn't really a sword it appeared to be made out of wood. It was more like a long, flat club with a flared tip, but I wouldn't call it phallic in shape. I remember I went back to my own apartment, or at least an apartment because it didn't look like mine, and my roommate said that after the incident with the chair I was no longer allowed at his parents house. At some point I remember I started to have a dream about Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse and I saw what appeared to be an explanation from the film director that in the comics Spider Gwen, in this weird alternate version of Spider-Man I was watching, was Peter Parker's little sister and that she uses her own blood to transform into a creature similar to Venom but with 6 arms portruding from out of her back. At some other point I found myself with my parents again and apparently my mom wanted to go to some kind of fair in another town. I really didn't want to because I had work the next day, but I started to drive there anyway. I parked my car somewhere and went to see my family and all of them were ordering pizza with chili fries which I thought was a weird combination, I didn't order anything and instead decided to go take a shower. When I turned on the shower, water was coming out from too high and it was starting to get onto the towel that I brought with me, I fideled with the switches on the panel and then water started to come out of the wall on the side of the toilet which only made the problem worse as I was still wearing my pants and now they were getting wet. I kept messing with the panel which only seemed to make water come out of every possible place and realized there was a setting for just the showerhead, the only problem is that now I was using all of the soap from the soap dispenser and it was getting everywhere too. Even though the bathtub wasn't full it seemed to be flooding the room really easily and leaking out from underneath the doorway. I was stuck figuring it out for a while. When I got out I somehow ended up inside the building where I normally do Bible Study and some Christian Nationalist girl came in there to argue with me about whether or not homosexuality could be accepted biblically, we argued quite a bit and I said something to her like, "your religious belief is merely a political opinion disguised as religious" and I locked the door behind us and said that she'd be stuck with me having theological debates for the rest of eternity for her decision. I don't remember how I got out but when I did I ended up in another house where I was caught by one of my roommate's family members (I've never met any of them), it was some kind of little girl. I ended up stealing her cat and floated back to take it to my mom's house for some reason. I realized that I had forgotten my car and went to go get it and when I started driving back I got caught up with a young hispanic guy who was really into drag racing and driving fast cars, he was flooring it on a long dirt road and practicing sharp turns with traffic cones. He asked me when I think I was going to be ready to start working on my car to make it fast and I tried my best to avoid the question since I didn't really want to spend the money. I remember he said something to one of his business partners but I can't really remember what it was about. Now that I think about it I'm pretty sure the Spider-Man related dreams were from around and after I first woke up. This is the first night I can think of where I was woken up in the middle of a dream and that when I went back to bed it actually continued. But it was only for about 15 minutes since I had to go to work. I don't quite recall when in in the dream cycle it was but I started to have a dream about texting an old friend who I assumed was married by then, she sent me a bunch of pictures but I remember it being nearly impossible to type on my phone. For some reason my phone's keyboard had changed and I thought that had something to do with it so I changed it back and kept trying to type. There's another dream that I had that I barely recall but it had something to do with me and my brother and we were at my parents' trailer. There was a bit of time between me writing this all down and actually having the dreams because I had to get up and get ready to go to work so I'm actually surprised I've managed to type all of this out. When I woke up I text that friend and she did tell me that she was married now.
The highlight of my dream tonight was getting to pet a really fat possum.
The weirdest thing I remember is I was wandering around campus in a section of a building where professor's offices are and there was a toilet out in the middle of the hallway complete with a napkin dispenser and a sink, so naturally I started using it. It was on the other side of the hall across from a professor's office. As I used the bathroom in the middle of the hall people walked by and I started to feel a little embarassed but no one said anything. From his office with the door open, Dr. H started to talk to me and asked what I had been up to lately. At some point I ended up in one of his classes and I sat all the way in the back as students were giving short introductions of themselves to the class from their desks. I looked at them all and thought that they all still looked like, and sounded like, they were still in high school. I remember one girl said that her 2 pets recently passed away and the only part that was concerning was she later clarified that they were being watched by somebody else. I guess her friends are irresponsible. Much like the toilet in the middle of the hall, this classroom had a water fountain coming out of the wall in the very back and I got up to use it because I was thirsty. When I was in the middle of using it Dr. H asked if I wouldn't mind giving an introduction. I said sure and started to mention a little bit about myself. Someone asked if I wanted to live anywhere else and because of the way they phrased the question, I started listing off countries south of the border that I wouldn't be too keen to visit or live in. By the time I got to Brazil I mentioned that I wouldn't want to live there even though I'm learning Portuguese which I think is cooler than Spanish. Then I mentioned that I was relatively fluent in French. The last thing I remember talking about was pizza and somehow the professor and I joked about an entire army of pizza stormtroopers straight out of Star Wars. I'm glad that ever since I started to move around campus that now I tend to dream of college more than I dream of high school. When I dream of high school it feels like a waste of a dream. I don't really remember when but I also remember dreaming about trying to find a job and I thought to myself that it'd be a good idea to get a job somewhere at the hospital that's next to campus (there is no hospital next to campus it's on the other side of town completely). I said something like it'd be nice if I could find a job that I could simply walk to every day. At some point I dreamt briefly of one of my old friends from the last restaurant I used to work at and he told me that he's been on a really big vitamin water kick so I walked all over town and checked like 3 different stores just to see if there'd be any there. I remember thinking about how now that I'm unemployed I'd have less money to spend on food but that I guess I could still buy drinks. Then I started thinking about how I've been drinking too much and maybe getting more flavored drinks would help me drink less. After that I ended up at my mom's house, she was cooking salmon and rice and putting some of it in tupperware containers for my step-father's lunch. She asked if I wouldn't mind cooking and putting away the rest and I said sure. The rice cooker cooked all of the rice way faster than I expected it to so I just put it in the tupperware. It gets a little murkier but I remember dreaming about cartoons, I distinctly remember seeing the Flinstones but I can't remember which cartoon they were visiting the world of. A little girl was listening to Fred Flinstone's conversation from miles away by holding up a comb and listening to it through the bristles. Still no idea how that worked. I remember at some point I was moving through the waters of a swamp to follow a homeless Vietnam veteran who was wearing multiple patterns of camoflague in a bizarre stylistic meddley. Apparently he went to Vietnam because of a secret government program that funneled white supremacists into the military. That's pretty much all I remember from tonight. It's been a while since I've written down my dreams again so I imagine better dream recall will come back to me if I continue to put time into writing them. The last time I dreamt I was on campus I remember I was walking outside and I noticed that they finished putting in a new building where they tore down an old one and that I thought the newer one looked much nicer, partially because they didn't go with a boring modern building but went with making a building that matched all of the older looking ones from the early 1900's.
I took a short nap and I remember dreaming about RuneScape, there was going to be a drop party in a PvP enabled zone which I thought was a funny idea. I had something in my inventory that I was going to drop but I immediately died as soon as I entered and since I didn't have any runes to teleport back I had to walk. So, I got to walk from a dream generated version of Lumbridge all the way to Varrock and I remember being slightly annoyed by RuneScape's fixed camera angles and thinking to myself that I wish I could see a VR version of the game. Next I remember I was in either Thailand or Cambodia and someone was teaching me how to defend myself with a kris knife in case I ever ran into any trouble, which I thought was weird because I'm pretty sure those come from Indonesia and thus neither of those countries. I don't think I thought about that in the dream though. Someone was showing me rather violent videos of knife attacks in those countries and I was surprised they were on YouTube. At some point some other tourists got on the bus and we started moving and I had the sinking feeling that our bus was going to get hijacked at some point so I kept the knife on me in my hand. Someone had already been arrested for trying something stupid and I could hear him getting hauled off by the police, which was weird because they didn't get off the bus they just took him further into the back. White tourists were asking for the Wi-Fi password and then my alarm suddenly woke me up. I could feel the rather abrupt transition from napping to being awake and it felt jarring specifically because I paid attention to it.
Tonight I saw my family a lot in my dreams. I remember I was in a grocery store and I was trying my best to teach my brother some simple Czech phrases because apparently he had been developing an interest in language learning. Later I remember we took my car and drove up to a junkyard because they had a little outdoor patio area with a roof and a TV. You could pay to just hang out there for a couple hours with a nice view of the junkyard and a TV to keep you occupied. At some point a pair of girls drove up and I remember I had thought one of them was pretty so I started talking to them but I don't remember about what. Somehow, we all ended up on a bus and I was talking to her and other people until they got dropped off. My dreams are much harder to remember today.
I took a nap again. A strange one that I remember was that Lady Gaga kept showing up but she looked more like Amy Whinehouse. The first time it was because I was in a grocery store and I kept going back to eat the free sushi samples and she stopped me the second time. I remember the sushi was big cubes of white fish with pineapple on top held together with a tooth pick. When she stopped me a second time I said something like, "I thought you wanted to stand up for the working class." At some point I saw someone there who was using two shopping carts at the same time and I thought it was funny so I started doing it to. I also tried to "drift" in the middle of the grocery store by doing donuts while holding two shopping carts, it's one of those things that I imagine only dream physics allows, like when I can glide across huge distances as if I was on a smooth floor with just socks on. Lady Gaga/Amy Whinehouse was throwing a birthday party so not only was her house covered in pink, but a bunch of the surrounding area. In order to have a bit of fun I went out to the roof of what I think was my apartment, it looked like a bizarre castle fortress like if something you built in Minecraft came to life, across from me were what appeared to be caves made from the same material. Someone was poking their head out of a cave and they started shooting fireworks at me, so I rolled over trying to take cover and grabbed some of my roman candles, but then I realized that I forgot my lighters in Lady Gaga's bathroom. I walked back to her house to go get them and to my surprise she was in her bathroom putting on makeup and doing her hair for her party and didn't seem to be bothered by my presence too much, so I took my two lighters and tried to go back. At some point on the way back I got stuck in some kind of dream that resembled the Game Boy Color Zelda games quite a bit, I only had 5 hearts but I was on the last boss which means I must've done a sequence break of some kind. I didn't have the Roc's Feather so I couldn't jump unless the engine allowed me to for some reason. The boss was insanely difficult and involved going through a bunch of sets of stairs and ending up in different rooms. I remember being surprised by how much the rooms changed, the dungeon seemed to be infinite. Eventually I made it out of the dungeon somehow and I was back at Lady Gaga's party. For some strange reason, I saw my ex-girlfriend there with her new boyfriend, she was dressed in a black dress. I wanted to talk to her but her boyfriend was telling me something about the thesis he was writing on Islamic extremists and their relationship to far-left politics which I thought was quite bizarre. At some point in my dream the assassination of Bush was mentioned but I didn't remember him ever being assassinated. She showed me a bunch of newspapers that she brought for me all with articles related to Chairman Gonzalo and we started talking about our past relationship. I asked her what she saw in me because she had just broken up with another one of her boyfriends, she said something like, "I stopped seeing him because he didn't have any goals, I liked you because you did." I asked her, "what goals were that?" I was a little bit in disbelief because at the time I didn't feel as if I had any. She said, "you wanted to find a job" and I asked "what job?", she replied "I don't know, to be a political leader," and I said, "oh so I was an idiot" and she said "yes that was when you were a communist" and I ended with "oh so I was an even bigger idiot." I asked my ex if we could go walk together and her boyfriend said something like, "sure, take all my enjoyment out of being here" and we started to hold hands and hold each other as soon as he was out of eyeshot. We walked towards the indoor pool and I was impressed by the statue I saw of what appeared to be an angel, then there was another that might've been Lady Gaga's mother and it had a very distorted face. It was doing something with a child at the edge of the pool. I think when I tried to kiss her I woke up, but not fully. I woke up into a dream where I had sleep paralysis in my apartment and all I wanted to do was move so that I could cry, but I didn't want to be loud because my roommate was asleep somewhere so as soon as I was able to, I grabbed the pillow and started yelling into it as hard as I could, which wasn't very hard or loud because of the sleep paralysis. It felt agonizing. Earlier there was a dream I remember where me and a bunch of people were getting sorted into groups for some kind of college assignment where the objective was to find out who could make the best coffee. One girl, a brunette with blunt bangs, asked if she could be my partner and I said yes but kept looking around for others. Eventually everyone was sorted into their groups and I was still wandering alone. At the top of what looked like a big water slide I saw a bunch of people I knew from a student organization dedicated to the study of magic and witchcraft, I tried to talk to them but they didn't seem to be paying much attention to me. A dream from Azanigin. I don't know why but this dream made me think of one I had the other day that I can barely remember where I was with someone and we were walking all over a Los Angeles that looked like a cross between a major Greek city and a Brazilian favela, all because there was a certain somewhat secluded spot that I wanted to show to whoever I was with. I think there was a bunch of occult graffiti that I wanted to show them. I barely remember any of my dreams from my much longer sleep earlier today but the most noticeable was when I saw someone, I think my brother, disemboweled and their entrails spread for a very long distance through a hallway, when I went to find them, most of the body was gone and was being dragged away by something I couldn't see. It's insane to me that I can dream near-perfect renditions of video games, my Zelda dream looked so similar to the original that if you scanned by brain for it you could've mitsaken it for the game. A while back I dreamt about Cruelty Squad and I remember it looked like a cross between that game and Super Mario 64, lots of bouncing around but I don't remember what for. I think I was trying to call rockets from the sky to kill enemies. I remember that I went downstairs under the level to what looked like a subway system but pink and with faces on all of the doors that reminded me of Mischief from Interface.
The strongest dream that I felt tonight was I felt the fear of Alex DeLarge. A dream from Naos. I had a dream for some reason about A Clockwork Orange and I dreamt I was in a deleted scene where the writer found out about Alex's identity even earlier when they were all on the way to a hospital, there was someone else in the car with us, so 4 in total, myself, the writer, the guy from the film who I remember being the guy in Darth Vader's costume, and another guy but I forgot what he was doing there. For some reason, I, as Alex, was wearing the same outfit from the day the writer and his wife was attacked, we walked into the lobby and for some reason I was wearing a clown nose and that was enough to convince the writer of my identity and I could tell that he knew. He looked different in my dream than he did in the film, he was a little bald old man. He followed me around trying to find me so I tried to hide by going deeper into the hospital, everything had a yellow hue and after a while it started to look like the backrooms with random machinery and medical equipment, just when I thought I was somewhere he wouldn't find me, in a place where I could've easily hid behind something, he found me and it scared me so much that I woke up. Another dream that I remember was I was with my friends and we were going to play soccer for something stupid, the whole thing reminded me of that episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where they were trying out for the Philadelphia Eagles. At some point I hurt my toe and most of that dream was spent looking for medical attention. Somehow I managed to remember the walk from my apartment to the grocery store because that was the first place I tried to look for a bandage, I walked the entire way there with Sweet Dee. Whenever I got to the grocery store the interior was replaced by the lobby of a doctor's office so I looked around trying to find anyone willing to help while Dee easily found someone to help her. At some point I opened a door and she was standing there with a woman and I asked the woman for some bandages. She gave them to me and there were obviously too many and they looked like blue ribbons rather than bandages, but I could tell they were sticky so I wrapped them around my toe. I remember for some reason there was a blue spiral notebook so I wrote some stuff down in it and put whatever else she gave me that I didn't need anymore on a chair. I remember I had written a couple paragraphs in cursive. When I left, I wandered off to find my friends and eventually I found them in what reminded me of a hotel room. Sweet Dee now looked like someone I had met at a student organization, a girl with brunette hair and blunt bangs, either that or she was the girl with a similar hairstyle but with black hair from a different dream of mine, another girl fom campus. I told my friends that we were done with soccer and that "the soccer arc is over" and I remember I said something like "Hello boys... and Evie" when I walked in. She said something like "I'm much nicer to you but you're always so mean to me" and I tried to explain that it wasn't like that just that I had some feminist friends and they wouldn't have liked if I referred to them as the boys, but she said she wasn't like that and she found those kinds of people annoying. I said something to her like "you know, I've met women with 4chan brainworms and I've had both good and bad experiences the same way I've met leftist feminist women and had both good and bad experiences, I think it depends on the person on an individual level." The next dream I remember after that was I was in a black SUV with [REDACTED] and my friend [EXPUNGED], they had picked me up from something, I think the doctor's, and we were driving around a subdivision with a bunch of houses that I all thought looked interesting and I remembered asking if any of them knew where we were. The ones that I remember the most distinctly were one house that looked like it was made from the stump of a giant tree like I imagine the house of a wizard, a big house where the walls all had the texture of a tree, a gray house with a wall of large stone slabs, plenty of others harder to remember. At some point there was an SUV that flashed its lights at us while I wasn't looking and my friend said that it was probably just someone that wanted to check us out. The gray SUV pulled up to the side of our car as we were driving and my friend [REDACTED] stuck the broken mirror out the window to show that we had the mirror and we weren't driving without it, but we still got pulled over. My friend for some reason went from the driver's side to the passenger's side seat and I, behind both of them, grabbed the steering wheel and veered us off into the dirt, the longer I did it the more all of the road became dirt and then all of the roads became dirt. For some reason my friend [REDACTED] ended up not in the car but with the cop and eventually when I looked behind me I couldn't see the cop's car anymore so I asked my friend if he could slow us down and I'll just park the car on the dirt road. We got out of the car and I remember there was a brunette woman with glasses and her boyfriend and I thought they were mocking us for something, I saw that she was wearing a button up shirt with a print of something related to France on it so I said something like, "Que'st-ce que tu vuex, putain? Fous le camp" and she thought I was trying to be nice and I walked away. Eventually we caught up with my friend and the cop was gone and he said he was perfectly understanding once he checked everything out and made sure the paperwork was in order, he just wanted to make sure. All of us still thought it was annoying. I remember that for some reason we had a couple of the guys from my old job with us and I realized that two of them were missing. I was worried about one of them the most and I mentioned it to my friend [EXPUNGED] and he said something like, "you always worry about him, you always speak of him like he's a sad retarded puppy that needs to be put down." The sequence involving driving around a subdivision reminded me of this bizarre dream I had a while back that I never wrote down where I was walking around what felt like my old neighborhood and I was looking in the back of the neighborhood where I remember the more expensive and larger houses being, one of them looked like it was big enough to be an entire apartment complex but it looked like something from the early 20th century, like my brain trying to remember an apartment complex from early New York or San Francisco, I remember that I actually went inside and began to explore around and came across a huge room with a really high ceiling but the room itself was mostly empty so I left. I remember the outside area where I walked to looked like something out of Nightmare Creatures, lots of stone, engravings, and greenery. It also kind of reminded me of when I'm able to dream of the street that I currently live on and it gets mangled with memories of the downtown area of the city my grandfather is from. Another dream from tonight that I remember had something to do with poetry, apparently I had written a bunch when I was younger and printed them all out into one packet and I was going over them with a highlighter so I could decide what I wanted to expand upon and what I wanted to leave behind. I remember I was talking to a friend about it and I decided that I needed to read more poetry as well because I'd probably have better ideas of what to do with my old ones after I had read some better poetry. The first one I was considering was my collection of the poems of Robert Frost. I also remember I was walking around campus again and I ended up in this office where both Dr. B and Dr. E were sitting around, I remember I wanted to talk to Dr. E about something but I don't remember what. Neither of them were really looking at me or paying that much attention. I don't even really remember how I got to campus this time, I kind of just spawned in. I also remember a short sequence where I was in the office of the nurse from my old job and we were talking about something but I don't remember what, I think it was a training thing but I had already quit my job and I asked her if I could still stay for the training just for the hours. I remember also thinking that maybe instead of quitting I could just get taken off the schedule and put back on when the manager I hated didn't work there anymore. I vaguely there was a part of my dream tonight that had something to do with my mother and I think something with my poetry, but it's very murky. I think I dreamt about RuneScape again, I remember I was checking the wiki trying to find where I could find basic seeds for free but weirdly enough the farming in my dream worked more like Minecraft than it did like in RuneScape. I remember that and trying to see where I can find a clay pot also. Today's dreams were weird.
Later today I took a nap and the last dream that I remember involved some kind of racing game that kind of reminded me of something like F-Zero or SNES Mario Kart but with way more polygons, it could've been an N64 or a PS1 game with a lot of particle effects. I don't remember if I was actually playing or just watching other people play it from a first person perspective. I remember one person tried to make a tricky jump to get back on a bridge by throwing these frisbee things that'd launch them further ahead but they didn't have enough and didn't make the jump. At the very end a couple people ended up under the bridge and right before the finish line there was this hole that they had to jump and anyone that was under the bridge would be shot up the hole so they could potentially crash with anyone who had to make the same jump. I saw one person crash into someone else that way. Dunkey was apparently there for the tournament but he had been banned for some reason and I could see him somewhere looking sad. Before that I remember I was in some kind of classroom and I was showing off my laptop to an asian girl I thought was cute, eventually the professor came around and started passing out everyone an assignment but I wasn't actually in the class so instead I took the opportunity to write out the entire assignment paragraph in French instead. I saw the girl next to me trying to write it in either Chinese or Japanese because she was starting to write kanji characters. When I was done I tried to show her but some dude took my assignment from me to be a jerk but I took it back before he could ball it up, then I showed it to him and called him "a monolingual bitch." The girl wasn't even that impressed. Before that we were watching some kind of martial arts tournament that not only had martial arts but also everyone there from the competing schools had to dress in elaborate outfits and do some kind of dance routine at the same time. I remember one side of outfits was sort of a 40's or 50's gangster look but with bright colors. At some point I was sitting down and a kid came up to me to be annoying and he bit my toe for seemingly no reason and it hurt like hell to get him off. Eventually I yelled at him and asked him where his parents were and I found both his dad and one of his teachers and told them what happened without being all too mad about it and going back. At some point I had this weird dream that reminded me a lot of South Park, I think it was when I was leaving the tournament because I remember it before a girl had found out that her and someone else wore practically the same costume from a listicle they found on the internet, all the kids were traveling through these big tubes full of water in what looked like a post-apocalyptic water park and then they had gotten out beacuse someone opened up all of the tubes and the kids came rushing out with a bunch of other stuff that was hidden in the tubes. I remember I gave Kenny a Game Boy Color and a game and Cartman found a porno with Kenny's mom in it and was showing it off, which I thought was odd. At the tournament I remember in the very first match someone gave someone a Crane kick like in the Karate Kid but without the person assuming the Crane position first. I think it was me somehow because I remember I had blood on my foot when that kid decided to bite me. I also think that one guy taking my assignment was the one I kicked. When we were sitting around in a big lecture hall I remember I noticed a girl from my high school that I liked and I asked if she wanted to go with me somewhere but first we sat down. I also invited a different friend to come sit down with us. The other day I remember this weird dream I had that involved a bunch of American presidents in a swimming pool with other politicians. I remember one time a while ago I dreamt I was in a store for old video games and I had the idea to hide in the store until closing so that when everyone's gone I could take whatever I wanted, probably a 3DS since I had really wanted one at the time, but I always like Game Boys.
The Time Cops are after me now. I did something bad. I became mildly lucid and when I was upstairs in a house of whom I don't remember who it belonged to, I smashed a girl's head into a glass table and threw her out of a window then tried to kill her parents with a laser pointer that I tried to use to saw their limbs off, unfortunately it didn't work. It's gonna sound terrible but it was a girl I remember from a while back explaining to me why she didn't like me and why I'll never have a chance in hell with her. I remember she was naked and I helped her slip into a pink nightgown. After that, a much older version of the girl showed up so I got into a fight with her too but I don't really remember how I won, all I know is that she was an inter-dimensional time traveller coming to arrest me because I did something very bad, but I decided to resist arrest. She wore her hair back and wore what to me resembled a black Navy officer's uniform for women with a black skirt but no hat. For that, I decided to attack their headquarters directly, so I got into Eva Unit 01 and brought a portable version of the Positron rifle with me and used it to shoot somewhere in their headquarters to start a big fire, all kinds of pandemonium broke loose after that. When people were running out of the building to escape I started using the Positron rifle to pick off survivors but my aim wasn't that good. My control over the dream and its objects is slowly starting to get better but it's still not perfect, I can't do anything I want at a whim and I'm still limited by its logic. I remember I was given a list of people on Earth who were Time Cops but I don't remember which, I think one of them was Robert Downey Jr. as the black man in Tropic Thunder and another was Sylvester Stallone explicitly as Rambo. I remember using the Eva unit as a space ship a lot. At some point I was dealing with either a giant gorilla or an ogre with anger issues with a friend of mine who was allied with my cause against the Time Cops. I remember at some point I got pissed off at it and started yelling at it but then it got mad and chased us so I hopped into my Eva Unit to fly away, I don't know where my friend went but my Positron rifle conveniently shaped itself into a rectangular prism so I could put it into storage with something else that I had with me. I remember the ogre/gorilla was driving something that looked like the Ghostbusters hearse, it was big and white with a similar shape and he used it to fly when my friend and I made it into the sky to try to fly off the planet. At some point I remember zooming into a black hole on a computer screen just to find another universe inside it and I wanted to see if I could zoom into that universe far enough to find the same black hole or not, or at least another one to see where that one would lead. My dream recall isn't as good today, probably because it was another day where I kept waking up and going back to bed instead of sleeping in one or two big chunks. Later I dreamt of a couple of people making Miis on a Wii (or perhaps a 3DS) and they looked incredibly bizarre and didn't match their body types at all. At some point much earlier in my dream cycles I had a dream that I went to prison but that I was only there for a night, I remember being on top of a bunk bed with my cell phone for some reason and my first thought was to call my ex-girlfriend to tell her that I was in jail but I ended up deciding against it. I had this weird moment like Bill in King of the Hill where I decided I liked it there and wanted to stay but they wouldn't let me. Unfortunately I think I forgot my 3DS there on the bunk bed. The last dream I remember before waking up for good was seeing a friend of mine naked trying to put clothes on, a rather elaborate black outfit, while I was watching the news about the WWE and EA getting bought by Saudi Arabia.
I took a short nap but the only dream I remember upon waking up was playing a game that reminded me of Mario Kart with the cast from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, at the time I'm pretty sure I was Dennis, as Mario. The weird thing was that in the game they didn't have cars, all the characters were just running.
I had a dream I was showing the CCRU writings to my mom, the version in my dream had a lot more illustrations and the typefacing was a lot more wild. I told my mom something like "I hate to compare them but the CCRU is kind of like Rick and Morty if that show was actually as smart as it wanted to be." The next dream I vaguely remember had me as Jamie Foxx in Django Unchained killing a bunch of slave owners on their property in the middle of the night. I also vaguely remember my little brother in some kind of motorcycle race and him falling off outside of the boundaries a lot, like any time you play Rainbow Road in Mario Kart. I feel like I had an okay amount of dreams tonight but my dream recall has been uncharacteristically bad for the last couple of days. I'll probably have to do more visualization meditation to get it back.
More dreams today, probably beacuse I actually did my meditation before bed. I remember I had a dream that I went to campus and I was visiting every department hoping to see my favorite professors, I distinctly remember visiting the philosophy department first and I can't remember which one I saw after that. I saw Dr. E again and that was nice. I zoomed everywhere, sliding on my feet as if I was ice skating without moving my legs. The very last dream that I remember was using a Wii to control an early version of FL Studio on the projector of a classroom to show someone how to make music, then Dr. C came in and added a bunch of stuff to the screen that I had to get rid of, the last thing I remember was scrambling to get rid of it all and somewhat failing because the controls were annoying, and also accidentally saving the track as a course in Mario Kart, then turning off the Wii on accident. I think part of the problem is I keep waking up at around the same time but I'm not going to bed early enough. It started raining outside and I went back to bed, I had a dream I was briefly at my old job but I don't remember what I was there for, the other worker kicked me out so I grabbed my cat and left, throwing it in the back of my car with the others. Vaguely remember a dream of a woman speaking French with a Quebecois accent. Money's like Scandinavia, the thorn's always on the right foot. Hypnagogic imagery of my ex-girlfriend in a wedding dress. Took a nap later and the last thing I remember was playing a game that reminded me of LSD Dream Emulator in a blender with the ice level from Super Mario 64 but I kept falling through the floors. I also remember this sequence where I was exploring a haunted house with some people and it felt that if I stayed there too long I'd be transported to its original time period or something. I think there was some other dream where I was trying to get people to come to the meetings of one of the student organizations that I frequent.
The last dream I remember was about a child who was the product of the sexual assault of an anonymous German (or maybe French) woman by a Roman soldier during Caesar's wars in Gaul. I remember I dreamt I was with the soldier who was joking about it while smelling a fur he had stolen presumably from someone while on the campaign, a friend of mine from campus was there too but he was joking about something else. The child I dreamt of had to go on a hunt to prove his manhood but it didn't look like anyone else wanted to go with him so he accomapnied some wolves who were in the midst of hunting rabbits, I got to see them tear the rabbits apart, they'd take their skins off first with their teeth. Some animal that he decide he was going to hunt ran up into a tree and found a hole and stuck itself in it and he had to figure out a way to get it out of the hole. I remember there was another one that he found but he got it after getting his hands covered in some kind of sticky and smelly perfume, he tried offering the animal he caught with it to the wolves but it was so soaked in the perfume that neither he nor they wanted it. Then he tried again and finally the animal came out of the tree and he offered it to the wolves. When he went back to the village he was finally accepted by his family, specifically his adoptive father who was a Gaulish man with brunette hair who was wearing a fedora. I saw everything zoom out as if I was seeing a satellite image of Europe and the voice over said that since the child had been the product of an Italian man and a German mother he was Europe's first ethnic Italian American. At some point the child was talking with his dad about a ring that he found, which looked like a little plastic rocket ship made of clear and green plastic, if you pressed a button it would shine a really bright light, his dad said it could be worth a lot of money. I woke up shortly after that. I don't think I remember any of the dreams from before I went back to bed after I woke up for the first time.
The one dream I specifically wanted to write down involved me hanging out with some people on campus and there being this one attractive scene girl who had short black hair and wore a lot of neon blue and pink, but she was with her boyfriend who looked like an emo boy. I can't quite remember who else I was with. A bizarre one that I remember was having a dream that I reactivated my long deleted Facebook account, I was mostly using it to see what old romantic interests were up to. The very last dream that I had before I woke up was being late for work partially because I had to go to my mom's house to do something, I was going to eat some ramen noodles on the way. As I was driving down the road I saw someone's trash can and they had old spaghetti noodles so I took them and while I was moving down the road I put the chicken powder in my bowl of warm water with the spaghetti noodles and started eating them. One of my old roommates was there with me but I thought he was being annoying. Before that I remember I was actually in a car and not just floating and I had to push it onto a different road because I was the first person at the green light and my engine stopped working, it turned out it was just in neutral. Two of my roommates were behind me which made me feel a little better. I remember I essentially dreamt an episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd where I watched him play a game that kind of reminded me of Ghostbusters for the Sega Genesis but it had a version on the NES that was very similar. I think I liked the NES version better. I remember reading the comment section and there was a girl excited that the AVGN said something positive about trans rights. I remember being incredibly frustrated myself when playing the game because the enemies were arranged in a way that was extremely annoying, because they took so many hits to kill, were so numerous, and the platforms were so small that you were going to inevitably take damage so I saw no real way to beat the game. A dream from tonight that I remember was that I was at one of my old friend's houses, a friend who had a relatively wealthy father. I was at his house and it was big, much bigger than the houses I'm used to visiting, but it was still smaller than the last one he had. I mentioned to my friend something like, I liked the old house better because it was a lot easier to get lost in. I asked my friend what living there with his dad was like and he said it was really annoying but I didn't really know what he meant until we were all out in the backyard, all four of us I think, and we saw a homeless person in the backyard just kind of wandering around. None of us really felt safe leaving him there so we got a bunch of cardboard tubes painted gold and we started to drive him off onto someone else's property. A while back I used to deliver pizzas and very often I'd have to deliver to a rich neighborhood and sometimes I have dreams about going back there for whatever reason. I remember I dreamt that an old friend of mine from high school lived there and I was visiting him for a little bit, but instead of living in one of the big elaborate McMansions he lived in something that resembled a big town home that had a large, black door. The place was relatively skinny compared to how big the other places were. One distinct thing I remember was this bridge that I went to for whatever reason, I can still remember vaguely what it looks like but I can't really remember why I was there. The more dreams that I write down, the more I remember bizarre dream architecture and places I've been to in my dreams that have probably been laying there dormant for months or years, as if slowly all these separate places are starting to get drawn closer and closer together. I remember I had a dream that I was visiting my father and I still remember the neighborhood that I dreamt up, as well as exploring it and finding that one little apartment that I think turned out to be the wrong one. I also remember that time I dreamt of that rich neighborhood and dreamt that somewhere in the back there was an apartment complex there that people could rent if they were less well off but still wanted the prestige of living in the nieghborhood (in reality it doesn't exist). I'm starting to remember far off dreams where I'd become mildly lucid and then fly as far as I can just to see what kind of landscapes would generate. I remember once I dreamt that I was floating in the interior of some kind of great machine that I realize now looked a lot like the cover artwork for Aphex Twin's Blackbox Life Recorder 21f. I feel very self indulgent trying to write these out as I'm well aware that as I conjure long forgotten dream imagery in my mind's eye I lack both the skill in writing and the precision in recall to give you a more accurate impression of what exactly it is that I'm seeing. I think I'd have to learn how to draw more than anything. As I paraphrase Roy Batty, all these memories will one day vanish, like tears in rain.
Today I don't remember my dreams by their plots but more by their imagery. The first one I remember I was in prison and while I was in the middle of showering, Nappa from Dragon Ball Z showed me a 3DS XL in the stall next to mine and asked if I could put a game on it, I said that I'd have to check to make sure it already had custom firmware and that I'd check whenever I got out of the shower. I remember when I was in there I was talking with some people outside of my stall and we were complaining about all the additions to the shower that felt slightly infantilizing, like lots of washrags and a bucket to douse ourselves. I finished and got out and then started checking to see if it had custom firmware first by checking to see if it had certain apps installed and then by taking out the SD card to see if it'd boot into Luma. It did neither of those things so I was concerned until I found a program that could install CIA files or something similar. When I took the SD card out it would boot into this game that had a bunch of little minigames that looked like they were for some kind of 16 bit game console, it reminded me of the gambling games in one of the Mario games for DS, but everything had a somewhat brownish hue. The other one I remember I was playing Runescape again and I was in some kind of desert city simply walking around, there was a big crowd of people gathered in the middle of nowhere that I thought was for trading but they were just chatting. I asked someone in the chat, "est-ce que tu parler le quebecois ou quoi ?" but I don't think he ever replied to me. One thing that was slightly annoying was that if you double clicked on a person you could control their character momentarily and I kept doing it on accident and people got mad at me. When I got back to my character I'd be somewhere completely different. Before all of that I vaguely remember a dream where I was getting along really well with this girl. I also remember a brief dream where I was at my aunt's house and I saw my dad's mom very briefly. My sister and brother were there too. I think that girl and I bonded over playing the same video games or something. I remember she was an asian girl with bangs and black hair, a little bit on the chubby side. I went back to bed and had this bizarre dream I was at a concert and a woman who wasn't performing very well or doing well with the crowd revealed that Axl Rose (who was performing there too but was just kinda sitting down) was gay, much to the audience's frustration. He looked less like the real Axl Rose and more like Pickles the Drummer from Metalocalypse during that Snakes 'n' Barrels flashback. Everyone supported him but I saw his eyes water and then he put in eyedrops. As we were walking backstage I saw some old guys dressed as various incarnations of the Joker and I think I punched a bunch of them in the face on the way out. Then Ghostface from Scream came out and started chasing us but I started to beat him up and chase him instead. Rather than Ghostface he looked more like some random dude wearing blue shorts and a light blue t-shirt wearing a Scream mask, I went into one room and threw him around and hit his entire body on a table and I think I heard his neck snap. He became the size of a rather large toy and I threw him into a room full of little girls playing with Barbie dolls and told her that this one had been mean to Barbie so make sure to be real rough him him. By the time I threw him in there he looked like a spray bottle or something.
I finally got to dream of a game like Cruelty Squad and it was as disgusting as I had hoped. It felt like my memories of Psycho Patrol R and Iron Gates smashed into a blender. I remembered that it started out rather small with seemingly only one room with a top floor and a bottom floor, I went down to the bottom and when I tried to kill the enemies in the room I was reprimanded by someone downstairs who told me that I clearly didn't understand how things worked around here. One rather interesting thing was that the first things he said to me were rather tame, that I was going to be punished and put on a two week leave, and then after that he said, "and now that that's out of the way here's what I really think of you" and he really started to lay into me. I wish I remembered more of what he said. I took the gun from his desk and shot him and he said something like "wrong answer" and all of the enemies in the room started to attack me. For some reason I had cheat codes including the worst invincibility cheat ever because it gave me infinite health but I could still explode. One thing I found interesting is that it had a combination of 2D graphics and low polygon graphics so it kind of felt like Doom, Quake and Cruelty Squad thrown into a blender. At some point I had gotten a minigun and started to do some damage on the enemies, one of them was a huge polygon monster that spit out 3 more smaller versions of itself when I killed it. I remember a lot of the soliders had a red and black color scheme that kind of reminded me of those enemies from Borderlands. I remember I also had a noclip hack but it only got me so far until I hit a wall that I couldn't pass through. Outside of the boundaries there were a lot more textures that looked like they were thrown together in MS paint. At some point it was like both the enemies and the community who plays the game itself got mad at me because I was using the noclip hack because to them it felt like I was being a wuss and ruining the spirit of the game. I don't remember how but eventually I got out of it and got to see the rest of the game and I remember thinking that the demo was way bigger than I expected it to be. I also remember thinking that the outside world was way more disgusting than I could've ever imagined. For some reason the guy who berrated me dragged me along to introduce me to his family, where I met his wife who was a skinny white alien that kind of reminded me of the maid robot from the Jetsons, but with lots of tubes and wires coming out of her. When he kissed his wife I could see that their children were connected to their mother by these large wires. I tried to kill his kids with a laser gun he gave me but I guess he anticipated that I'd try something like that so it wasn't effective at all. Then he got mad at me because I wasn't into Star Wars. I swear by the end of it he looked like Seb from Joueur du Grenier. I remember at some point I was trying to take out my phone to take notes because the game was giving me ideas for the book I'm working on. I think it had mostly to do with the setting and certain scenes that I wanted. Overall, another instance where I'm glad I didn't have any lucidity because I felt like the game my dream showed me was enough and probably not something I would've thought of on my own. Too bad I don't remember what it was called. Before that I remember some quite bizarre dreams. One of them I was in a classroom and someone was putting on some kind of Nosferatu costume, I think Oscar Isaac was there. I remember I was going to put on a long coat that I already had and a shirt underneath it but the shirt was for some other film I was planning to make and it had a big swastika on it so obviously that wasn't going to do. My movie was apparently going to be a movie about black Nazis living on Mars. I think I've been listening to too much Kanye West. One of my plans was for it to have a van and I remember driving around trying to steal a big black van with Nazi imagery on it, specifically a symbol that looked somewhat like the Hitler Youth symbol but rectangular above the windshield. I think I remember driving it next to a firework store at night in the middle of nowhere and parked it next to my car. I remember I had a slightly sexual dream and as horrifying as it sounds it involved my friend's girlfriend trying to have sex with me. She almost succeeded but my dream had other plans. Went back to bed and had this dream that I joined some kind of race, which was odd because I had to call someone on my phone and I could hear the other person clearly in the other room. He told me that at the very end I'd have to call my own phone number for some reason. I became mildly lucid and tried to have sex with a woman but it was at the tail end of my dream so I woke up shortly after. I had this other dream that I was at my parent's house sleeping outside on patio furniture and my mom had put up some kind of netting to stop the wind but as the wind blew it kept touching me as I was trying to sleep. I vaguely remember this dream where I was laying down, I think in my apartment, and as I looked up I could see a rectangular shaped hole cut into the ceiling which led to some kind of attic, the entire hole seemed to show me that in the attic there were a bunch of balloons and other party supplies. The balloons were all I could see. Faintly heard my roommate tell me that I need to finish either packing or unpacking my stuff.
The last thing I remember before I woke up was I saw a girl with short blonde hair (before that she had long black hair with blunt bangs like a different girl I know), I walked into a classroom and punched everyone in the face to prove a point and said to her "I dream you into existence every night to keep you and only you alive" and kissed her as I saw her face get more and more blurry, which alerted me that I was waking up. Before that I sang some kind of musical number about the intoxication of war and killing without consequence as a result of extreme solipsism, unfortunately I don't remember the lyrics or melody. I remember I had a bunch of the lyrics and what I was talking about written on the whiteboard behind me. I remember I had a nightmare as a result of dreaming something about Breaking Bad, I was in the place where Walter cooked meth and I remember there was the mask that he stole from the school, two policers officers were somewhere doing a voice-over saying something about how he was able to tell the difference between the chemicals he'd need and exactly how much he needed which put him above the average meth cook. At some point I got in an argument with someone there, for a second I think he looked like the bad guy from Megamind but before that something else, a kind of chubby guy with short almost curly black hair and slight facial hair. He tried to kill me so I woke up. When I went back to bed I was an ancient Roman slave and he was my master with short, cropped hair, almost a buzz cut. I disobeyed by hitting him and trying to kill him after making an embarrassing marking on his shirt, as I made the mark I saw a montage of other things, I think one of them was a Roman building in ruins. He smiled horrifically at me. Before that I remember I was in an old house I briefly lived in when I was in high school, my roommate was there and I think we were considering renting it because it was old and incredibly dilapidated and we imagined it'd be pretty cheap. I remember at a different point I was with my roommate and she took off most of her body and handed it to me so I was holding her legs and most of her abdomen, I still remember just how heavy it was. I remember there was this one dream sequence I had where I saw a nice green electric car with a German name and I was astonished that it was only around $6,000, and then when I checked the internet a lot of electric cars were around the same price. Only in my dreams, sadly. One detail that I remember was I thought the green car would've been more expensive at first and I didn't notice the price, but when looking at the pictures of it I saw that the radio had a bright neon green digital display that reminded me of an old calculator so I figured it had to be cheaper. I remember there was this weird part of my dream where I was in an empty concrete classroom and there was only one person there and I had gotten the impression that he had been there alone for days or weeks, I think he was the person who tried to kill me. At some point I remember a weapon that looked like half of a lower jawbone made of dark green jade. I vaguely remember a dream that I actually wanted to remember at the time where I think I was walking through some kind of grassy field and everything had a vague purple hue. I dreamt of my mother again and she was going to some kind of boxing tournament to compete and I think I was trying to get out of seeing it, saying that I already hadn't seen a lot of her competitions. I remember we talked a little about one of my friends, we talked about how they always put their games on an external hard drive but that I don't myself. She told me I need to visit them more as the drive isn't as far as I think. I remember I was walking down the street I live on and there was an elementary school drum line practicing somewhere in the distance and I saw one of the kid's mom trying to get a passerby to come see it, but the woman said she was already busy with something for her daughter. All of them were hispanic for some reason. I was waiting at a light with a group of college kids and I got impatient and tried to j-walk but a couple cars started coming so I backed off and said something like "now we should play Frogger IRL". Eventually I kept walking down the sidewalk and I walked to a smoothie place that was connected to an abandoned gas station that my roommate worked at but only during the evenings. I said something like we need to make a sign that says we open and close whenever we damn well please. Another short sequence I remember was waiting on a package for my roommate and then it turning out to be way bigger than I expected, I think the box was red and black. I remember the feeling of trying to stab the throat the person trying to attack me, but could I have been watching someone else? All I know is that the person mocked me because I wasn't able to follow through with pushing the knife through their throat even though I could see imagery of what it would've looked like if I did, it made me wonder if I'd be able to summon aggression properly when I need it, regardless if I think I'm going to survive the encounter or not.
One of my favorite random bits of dream architecture is when I dream that I'm back at middle school and somewhere in the back is something like one of those Japanese tiled public baths except it's huge and seems to stretch forever, but all the way in the back are showers that the students can use. I feel like I've been to it on multiple occasions. Dream architecture that I remember having a very, very long time ago was a lot like the Outworld Spire from Mortal Kombat Armageddon, it just kept going down infinitely and I never saw the end. Another one I remember reminded me a lot of a big castle my friend showed me when I was watching them play Final Fantasy XIV. It's bizarre to me sometimes that despite the fact that I play so many video games and watch so many films and anime that they never really seem to influence my dreams all that much. It's very rare that I dream of them.
Lately I've been tortured by dreaming of my ex-girlfriend and another girl I dated on a near daily basis. No matter what I do they always show up. I saw my ex-girlfriend, I think at the university I walk to, and she was wearing a black outfit where most of it was see-through. I remember I tried to walk with her back to my apartment but I don't think we got very far. When I saw the other girl, I was floating around in a subdivision and I think I floated into her house (which I've never seen). She had her hair down and was wearing what I think was also a mostly black outfit but with all of the fabric very faded. Other than that, I dreamt that I was some kind of social gathering at a bar with a lot of neo-Nazis, I think I was at a Skrewdriver concert or something. I remember I looked over a balcony and I saw a bunch of them walking in a line holding a bunch of torches. Before I woke up I remember I was floating around the area I live in and I was trying my best to fly to my apartment but I had to circle around a couple times in order to land since it was really hard to control myself. I remember I wanted to see my apartment because it looked like it was built in Minecraft. Before I walked into my own I looked over at my neighbor's, he's recently moved so even in my dream his apartment was mostly empty. When I went into my own apartment it was barely recognizable because it looked like there was all kinds of watery machinery on the inside, all still built in Minecraft. I tried to walk to my room but it was a lot of the same. There was so much stuff in my apartment I could barely navigate it.
The last dream that I really remember I was sitting in my bedroom in front of my speakers and apparently I had gotten so good at a kind of aural meditation that I was able to listen to music that I could create with my mind. I decided to make an entire remix album of some of my favorite songs from the Legend of Zelda but with way more synths. Even upon waking up I thought they sounded pretty good. The one I remember the most distinctly was a variation on the main overture theme but with a lot of synths that reminded me of those of Vangelis and the Yamaha CS-80 from Blade Runner. I remember that when I closed my eyes I was able to see the Zelda game I was thinking of and I saw a version of Oracle of Ages or Seasons where Link was either in a desert or on a beach and there were way too many enemies. I also briefly remember that people had apparently tried to speedrun this section and others like it in other games while wearing a Spider Man costume and beating things away with 2 sticks. After that I remember I was in bed with someone and I was showing them my music on Soundcloud but it kept fucking up and I had to fight it to get to play my songs, eventually she said something like can you show me later I really want to go to bed, and the last part of my dream was me trying to find one of those videos of like 8 hours of rain noises or something on YouTube that we could fall asleep together listening to. I only vaguely remember what she looked like. Earlier I remember my brother was trying to show me chips made with some kind of new McDonalds sauce, it reminded me of the WcDonalds sauce from a while back and I remember putting a stuck of beef jerky in it to taste more of it just like I did with my friend that one time we went camping. My brother then told me a story about the last promotional sauce, I think the Szechuan sauce, and how his friend got so much of it that he was able to fill up his camper with it. At some point I was in a house that I briefly lived in when I was in high school and for some reason my ex-girlfriend's sibling was there, they didn't seem to notice me much as they were talking to someone else. I rememeber some kind of dream that involved me trying to find either a new flatscreen television or a computer monitor. I remember I had a dream that I went to the gas station that I used to walk to a lot down the road here and the guy that works there offered me a job when I told him I was unemployed, in one of the kitchens. That gas station doesn't have a kitchen but the other one I usually walk to does so maybe my brain just combined them. I can't remember what I was looking for there but probably a tallboy. Later in the day I took a nap and the dream that I rememeber the most distinctly was a dream where I somehow ended up in the Philippines and I was watching a daily ceremony where they were picking ranks and duties for the day as members of the Communist Party. One girl didn't get the job she wanted and she jokingly fainted and one of her friends dragged her off. I remember I was asking two of the officers a question that I thought was pertinent, I asked them, "You know, I consider myself something of a leftist or a socialist, I'd even go as far as to describe myself as a communist. I read the works of Marx, Lenin, and General Mao and I consider them all more or less correct. But, people like me are far and few between in the U.S., I'm one of the only people I know who's even remotely interested in this kind of material. Is it because the American people are stupid or am I doing something wrong?" They both proceeded to try to give me a bunch of pointers on what could be going wrong with my practice, I'm struggling to remember the specifics but I think the gist was that it's mostly my fault because I read them in a way where I'm trying my best to absorb a lot of information but it's still just in the realm of abstraction, a mere intellectual exercise, like learning chess rather than doing anything to try to change the world. They recommended that I take it more seriously and be patient with myself and others. This came out of a dream where a friend of mine and I somehow ended up in some kind of science documentary as guests because as members of the Episcopal Church apparently we're one of the few churches to give money to science education. The guy in the documentary had a really big forehead and long hair. I rememeber I was wearing a leather jacket but I can't remember what my friend was wearing. Before that I remember a dream where someone made a tiny sailboat out of water and I had no idea how both of us were going to fit in it, but for some reason I was filling it full of water so that it would float which I'm pretty sure is the exact opposite of how sailing works. I saw the dude who made it narrate a short little montage of our tiny wooden boat, or what we were imagining that it looked like, compared to other historical boats also made out of wood. None of them looked like anything I can remember having seen in real life and reflecting on it now I think they had the weird designs of something out of Morrowind or some science-fantasy project. Lots of curves with a generally buglike look. Before that I remember I was at some kind of family dinner and my sister was dating a Muslim girl and her and her mother were coming to our house for dinner to meet the rest of the family. Our house was a lot bigger and a lot more luxurious than I have any memory whatsoever of it being. We had these indoor swimming pools by the front door that were purely decorative. I remember I was somewhere else wandering around practicing difficult to pronounce bits of Arabic probably based off of my memory of doing a tiny biy of Arabic on LingQ, as well as practicing my Mongolian throat singing. There's a dream I vaguely remember that felt kind of like being in a giant sewer in a futuristic cyberpunk city like from Neuromancer or Akira. Speaking of Neuromancer, I had apparently brought my copy with me to the Philippines and I remember asking one of the officers if he liked science fiction. He said he didn't know my book in particular but that he was a fan.
The last thing I remember before waking up was being in some kind of WWE match, I think it was a match with 4 people and I'm pretty sure it was Stone Cold Steve Austin against The Rock and someone else. I remember I was getting up on the ropes with someone else and I thought we were going to jump onto someone while they were down but instead that person decided to do a little flip in front of the person on the ground and then ran off. I think I saw a voice over or a newspaper about how it was a joke, so I went and did it myself. Before that dream the one I wanted to single out to remember involved another room full of in-ground bathtubs, or swimming pools, or hot springs, it was a big bathroom with I think 3 different bathtubs but the one in the center was full of a bunch of sinks lining 2 sides of its rectangular shape. For some reason it made me think of Mortal Kombat, one of the 3D games like Deadly Alliance or Deception. There's one bizarre dream that I don't quite remember the point of where I had a bunch of scantrons and I was trying to cover them completely in red with only a little Micron pen except for the parts that were going to be used for something. Around that time I remember there was a dream that involved some friends from high school that I haven't seen in a while, one of which was my old best friend who I lost contact with after deleting all of my social media accounts. I think it was dark and we were on the bleachers for some kind of school event. I remember a long time ago I dreamt that I was at his parents's house and it was a lot more empty in my dream. I also remember one dream where I went to the neighborhood that one of my other friends used to live in along with one of his, he never did but I guess I dreamt that he did and tried to visit. Before that I vaguely remember a dream where I was playing Minecraft and I followed a path to a little open field in the middle of a forest and I thought it'd be a good place to set up a house, but as I started exploring around I broke some blocks and then noticed that there was already someone's stairway mine so I figured someone was going to come back and do something with it, but I don't really remember where I went after that. One of the most bizarre things about writing out all of my dreams seems to be that the more I do it, the more real my dreams become, and the more my memories seem to be made of the same substance as dreams. I took a nap later in the day and one short dream that I remember was I got a book from someone and it was an introduction to mathematics that was made specifically by adding a bunch of introductory material to the book Gödel, Escher, Bach by Douglas Hofstadter. The cover was black and purple and I remember I thought the inside looked a lot like an occult grimoire, like Israel Regardie's collection of the Golden Dawn writings.
The last dream I remmber before waking up today was playing Runescape. Again. I was a low level and I was doing my best to walk around near the cow farms of Lumbridge but there was this bird or something that I kept accidentally clicking on and each time it happened it would grab me by the hand and fly me somewhere else. I died multiple times because my character was really fragile. I remember the second time it was because goblins threw rocks at me. While I was in one of the cow farms I was attacked by what I believe was some kind of level 11 dragon. I basically went through two major dream cycles tonight because I slept for a while then woke up and went back to bed. I remember my first dream cycle was bizarre because it felt like instead of exploring a dream the way I normally do, where I'm outside a lot going from place to place, this dream felt more like I was exploring a big skyscraper that kept getting bigger on the inside and would take me to places I didn't expect. I remember one of the places was a kind of restaurant that I remember being too poor to afford, I tried talking to the owner about having the cost of the items be on a "sliding scale" based on income so that poorer people would be able to afford going there. I remember I tried looking at the menus but it was hard because one of them was just a drink menu and it seemed like half of the menu with food items on it was a drink menu too. I tried to see how affordable their fried chicken was. I could be misremembering but I think I remember finding a big room on the ground floor that had big robots that I think had four legs, like a dog. I remember I was being chased by something but I don't really remember what it was anymore. I wish that every time I woke up for the first time I'd just get my laptop and write out my dreams before going to bed because I always try to make a mental note of the things that I want to try to remember from my dreams later but then I go back to sleep and end up forgetting it all. I haven't been doing my Fire Kasinas again so that probably has something to do with my low level of dream recall for the last couple days. It seems to come and go.
The most annoying part of my dream today was I that I was trying to listen to Master of Puppets by Metallica but every time I'd search it up, take my eyes off of what I typed for a second, look at the search results, and then look back at what I typed, the text would subtly or not so subtly change. The most interesting misspelling was something like mayhem master of puppets
and I had to remember that Mayhem didn't write that song. I was trying to find the song from their official YouTube account for the best quality but I could only ever find uploads that were 11 or 14 years old and the audio quality (even in my dream) wasn't very good. At some point there was some kid who I was trying to show it to since I wanted to show them what thrash metal was like. The other day I went to Bible Study at the place I normally go to and I ran into a girl I went on a single date with and sure enough, least surprising thing in the world, I dreamt about her again. I don't really remember much of what happened just that I was on some kind of school trip to either a zoo or an amusement park, at least that's what it felt like, and I was trying to find my friends but I ended up running into her instead. She was wearing a flowing gray dress. I think the most embarrassing part of this dream was that I essentially dreamt that she had a lot of time to think since she last saw me and decided that she liked me again and wanted to talk more. She sent me a text about it. The only problem was that when I sent a text message back and asked who it was, I kept getting the suspicion that it wasn't the girl but someone else who texted that to me. Someone I didn't really like that way. But there were mixed signals because when I was with the girl in my dream it felt like she really did enjoy being around me, but I was still puzzled over who sent me that text message. Regardless, my time with her wasn't very long. The next part of my dream that I remember after that was trying to get a pizza as I had a couple days before that. The only problem is that the brakes on my dream car were terrible so I had to start braking long in advance of actually needing to stop if I wanted to have any hope of stopping without either overshooting the light or hitting someone's car. It also kept shifting from day to night and back again. Eventually I did make it to the pizza place and I made something for myself that I could put in the oven. I tried to make sure that the dough actually covered all of the black pan which was harder than I anticipated since it was already starting to get a little sticky. I also remember my mother calling me at some point, but I don't remember what we talked about. There was this part of my dream that I remember being quite dark, I think I was walking around town during some kind of Christmas parade with floats with bright lights, it's one of the murkiest parts of my dreams from tonight. After I showed the kid Metallica I think I woke up for the first time and when I went back to sleep I think I did my first WILD (Wake-Induced Lucid Dream) because I basically walked around like I owned the place. I walked around and remembered some of the techniques from the book I read about how to control dreams when you realize you're lucid in subtle ways so I walked around looking for a house or anywhere that I thought there would be people and kept repeating to myself, when I walk in there's going to be a woman that I can have sex with.
What do you know, it actually kinda worked. I started exploring the rooms of a house that I found, but the weird thing was that it looked like a tent but when I went in it felt like a single wide trailer home, but in the first room that I went to there was, to my palpable disappoint, a kid, but with a bit of quick thinking I asked her, hey, do you have an older sister
and they told me yes so I walked over to a different room and sure enough there was a woman in it. Sometimes you need help from the locals. I basically just told this woman that I was here to have sex with her and she didn't really seem to mind so I did my business with her, but the only problem is that I shortly woke up again in the middle of the act, and had to go back to sleep a second time just to see if I could get back to the same or a similar dream. I ended up in another dream and it felt much clearer than the last one I was in, I saw a woman walking down the road with black hair with bright blue highlights who was wearing a baby blue t-shirt and I sort of held her hand and guided to over to just outside a building for a little privacy for impromptu oral sex. As she was in the middle of it, another girl came out of the door of the building we were next to and said that if I wanted that I went to the wrong girl because she was the one around here who did it the best. Then, she did it too. She was right. It felt very satisfying because I had been trying to do weird shit in my dreams for a while since it's felt like it's been ages since I've had nice casual dream sex with a dream stranger and not someone from my waking life that I actually know where I wake up the next morning wondering what the hell's wrong with me or what deeply unsettling things about myself I could learn from reading Freud parallel to my dream journal. I could not for the life of me remember ever meeting in my waking life any of the three women in my dream that I tried or succeeded to have sex with tonight, finally. The last dream that I remember was similarly sexual but incredibly bizarre, I found one of those shady websites on the internet for sharing stuff like paywalled OnlyFans content for cheap bastards that don't care about the parasocial aspect, and I found a bunch of pornographic GIFs from two sisters that were identical twins and found their niche making their explicit content while dressed like popular video game and anime characters. One of them seemed like kind of an intellectual because on her description she had mentioned that her favorites to read were Kant and Hegel. I think her username was a bizarre reference to one of their books or concepts too, but I don't remember its details. I kept scrolling down their collection and it seemed to go on for eternity. The strangest part to me was that I have a lot of experience with sexual things in my dreams looking either kinda off or monstrously off, but I could not find a single wrong anatomical detail no matter how long I scrolled. The one I remember the most was when they were both dressed as D.Va from Overwatch, and also when they were both blonde and wearing bright blue bikinis. I remember the last thing I saw before I woke up was finding their links to their social media accounts but they were behind a rather expensive paywall and I decided I had other things to do with my time.
Today's last dream before waking up was smoking weed from an old bong I had in the dark living room of my parents house. I was trying to be sneaky but I don't remember opening a door or a window. I remember I got up to clean the bong before going to bed but I spilled the rest of the weed and tobacco along with some of the bong water and I thought shit I'm gonna have to clean this
but I think I woke up before I finished. A strange dream I remember was being outside in the back of some department store or something, I was with my brother who was in a wheel chair for some reason and we were trying to find the theater that our parents were at. It was a wide concrete area with a lot of stairs and ramps and it was starting to become overgrown with greenery. There was a steep drop to a drain pipe that I almost fell into but I managed to avoid it and admired the water. I remember that first we went all the way to the right from the door we got out of and ended up at a big chain link fence, one of us checked the GPS to see that the theater was in the opposite direction and then we started heading there. I remember that for the stairs my brother got up from his wheelchair and said that he could walk it just hurt a lot so he preferred to use the chair. I don't remember what building I was in but I remember I ended up at a System of a Down concert that was in some bar and not a lot of people were there and the lead singer was off the stage to try to meet all of his fans while he was singing. My mom entered the concert with her husband she seemed very happy to be able to meet the lead singer. I can't remember what I did after that but I remember that I was looking around the theater but I ended up in this weird back area with a bunch of hotel rooms that were obviously intended for short visits. There were prostitutes everywhere. I looked into one room and there was a prostitute with large breasts and a tight green shirt and we started talking and getting to know one another, she told me that in her free time she liked writing so I tried to ask her about what she was working on and she seemed really happy that someone had finally asked about it. As we were talking, I noticed that more and more prostitutes kept appearing in the room and I guess they were her friends. She had 3 in total. At the end of our conversation she asked me for my number which I thought was weird because normally I'm the one to give my phone number to people. I gave her my phone number which took forever because that dream thing happened where text is exceptionally wonky and I kept noticing that it got my number wrong and I had to keep retrying to type it in. Wonky dream text should be a dream sign of mine but I already know that when I'm in the heat of the moment I'll forget. Unfortunately I don't remember her name and I'm going to be unlikely to remember to try to conjure her when I become lucid again but if she's ever reading this, I'd like to thank you for our little talk and I hope you finish the book you're working on. Also your breasts were heavenly. Since the people I dream come from my mind I assume they know my every thought so she already knew I was thinking it. A dream that I don't remember when to place on the timeline that seemed to happen out of nowhere was me trying to find the origin story of Homer Simpson and Marge's relationship. The version I got in my dream involved a day where Homer and Marge were both at the beach and Homer was driving a jetski like crazy and Marge was apparently super impressed so she hoped that he would come and talk to her. He did. I didn't go back to sleep like I normally do today so I think if I did I'd have more dreams to remember and those would probably be the most vivid. I vaguely remember spending time in my dream trying to find the etymologies of French words.
There's only two dreams that I remember so far. One I was at my friend's old house and I was messing around upstairs with his drum kit which was almost in complete disarray. The room was also a complete mess. I was playing mostly with the ride cymbal, trying to see how many different rhythms I could get out of just that. Another dream I was in a big and grassy open field that just so happened to be in the middle of a shootout between rival gangs. I saw a guy get nearly killed and he said that he was going to die but got up because he wanted to die somewhere else with a little bit more privacy. For some reason, very close to his body as he was laying there on the dirt in front of his almost completely destroyed truck was a copy of the Sworn Book of Honorius. I walked with him a little bit to where he wanted to go but started keeping my distance, as I let him get farther and farther ahead of me, I noticed I was with my mother. Up ahead were 2 guards at a checkpoint that were both dressed like knights. I told my mom something about how we could get through it without attracting too much attention but she didn't listen to me and the guards started to get really aggressive with us. At that point my dream turned into a little bit of a nightmare and I was trying to run away from the knights with my mother. I remember I tried to pull out a gun and shoot them but I merely made the motion with my hand and was never able to materialize a gun. Then I woke up. I went back to bed halfway into the day and I had two dreams that I remember very clearly, I might've had a third but I think it's lost on me. The first dream involved me speaking with a manager I knew at a restaurant I worked at to see if I could go back to work there at the same position that I did before. I started bussing tables with a really weird looking cart and I did it so fast that the new guy was impressed. Thankfully it didn't last very long because apparently there was some kind of celebration taking place in the restaurant that day and I got to see a lot of my old coworkers dressed really nice. They also locked the door so customers couldn't bother us. It started to get weird when I noticed that people that I knew from high school and some from university started showing up too and I realized that the reunion was going to be a lot more than just my coworkers. I saw an old friend who I hadn't seen in years but he passed me by and we didn't talk much. The next dream I remember was rather bizarre but I remember realizing at some point that I was dreaming about the novel Iron Gates. The only things I remember explicitly was when I was getting in a plane with other shock troops and all of us were wearing all black and had rifles that I think were AR-15s. I remembered I said something to myself but I don't remember what. One strange detail was that a lot of us were black, including myself at the time. I dreamt that I was Private Bonn with a bunch of other black shock troops. One weird thing I started to notice was that aside from the territory where we were where everyone was dressed in black, the rest of the world looked pretty normal. I started to comment about it. It looked like we were outside at a public park and I could see people going about their day as if some kind of nuclear apocalypse had never happened. I started to mention it to other people. There was a building that was almost completely destroyed and a bridge that looked like it was falling apart but I said that that could've just been from the earthquake that we had a while ago. The water I saw from a nearby creek also looked fine and I said that it didn't even look like it needed to be boiled. At some point I saw another character from Iron Gates, the one called the Lieutenant. I remember we had a disagreement over something and we hard to start fighting. Instead of using guns we just used our bare hands. I don't remember the rest of the fight but I remember that I had apparently won. I got out of that dream somehow and I started mentioning to myself that I think I figured out a better plot for Iron Gates, one that leads to a confrontation between Private Bonn and the Lieutenant in some kind of final showdown. I'm starting to remember my third dream now. I was with my mother, aunt and grandmother and they were talking to me about what I planned to do for college. I said that I wanted to study abroad, maybe in Colombia. My grandma thought it was a funny idea and I could get the impression that no one seemed to understand why I'd want to study abroad instead of stay here. Grandma's hair was blonde and curly again. Before I went to bed I tried to think of that girl with the tight green shirt again.
The other day I had a few dreams that I never bothered to write down but that I made it a point to try to remember. It involved a Dungeons and Dragons game that was being played in a public space with some TVs showing off the maps and the movement of the figures, going to the library, and somehow ending up at Muscle Beach with Arnold Schwarzenegger. I don't quite remember the DnD campaign anymore since it's been a couple of days I just remember it was being played by a bunch of kids and a lot of them seemed to have curly hair, there was a big TV that they had to livestream the map and the pieces and I think they were trying to figure out how to rewind the tape. At some point I ended up in the library and saw none other than the girl I went on one date with, again, and she found me as I was sitting in the library reading a book aloud to myself, I was trying to take notes by closing my eyes and recreating what I just read by typing it all out with my fingers as if I was typing something into my computer, but I was just making the motions with my hands and there wasn't anything really in front of me. We talked a little bit and it wasn't particularly awkward. I think she was wearing black again but dressed much more casually. The last one that I remember was ending up at Muscle Beach for some reason and I was there to lift weights. Arnold Schwarzenegger was also there and he looked like a barbarian but I think he had some kind of facepaint. I was looking for an open bench, all of them seemed as if they were on some kind of low pyramid like the kind you'd find in an early Mesoamerican society, I eventually found an empty one and I was trying to find the 45 pound plates so that I could put them on and do some deadlifts, but due to dream logic it was hard to find matching plates and also hard to read the numbers on them. Eventually I got the plates on the bar but then realized that there wasn't the little thing that you put in front of the plates to hold them in place and keep them from flying off or moving. I thought to myself, whatever, this is probably how everyone else does it, and tried to put the bar onto the ground but found that the plates really would move too much and I wouldn't be able to do it. I remember somewhere at Muscle Beach Arnold was in charge of this challenge that involved keeping as much weight as possible on the bar and on your shoulders as if you were going in for a squat, and climbing up a huge set of stairs that looked more like a black ladder. I said that I was going to try it but I don't think I ever got around to it. The other day I also remember this other dream where I was back in high school but it wasn't like my usual high school dreams as for the first time I was in my old guitar class and I saw my old guitar teacher. I don't think I ever wrote about it but I also remember a dream from the other day where I was back in high school but only for lunch in the cafeteria and I was trying to find some food. I remember one of my friends had a bunch of lobster tails that I thought looked good but I was trying to find anything with beef inightn it, or a good burger of some kind. I don't remember when I had it but I remember I had a dream I was in a music store looking at guitars, but it didn't feel like any of the ones I had ever been to.
I had a lucid dream today or at least a dream that I'm pretty sure was lucid, as well as some much stranger stuff. I saw a lot of stuff but upon waking up it's harder and harder to put it all together so I'll try my best to remember it all. In my first sequence there was a few things that stick out that I remember, I saw JonTron of all people and I was in his apartment talking about creative work, I was floating around in the parking lot of what I think was a mall but it was flooded with water, and I was with my mom getting a tour of the offices of the people who made the game Killer Instinct. I also remember at some point I started getting chased by a homosexual man who wanted to do strange things with me, he was also pretty lucid but I figured out early on that he wasn't able to fly so I was able to get away from him, sort of. The last dream that I remember before waking up was some bizarre dream where the church building at my local university's campus was getting closed to the public because too many people were using it to have sex and also not doing their dishes. The part of the dream that I remember the most clearly I think had something to do with the person chasing me eventually becoming my dream guide, but that could've been somewhere else. I ended up in this small room where something that reminded me of Prismo from Adventure Time, except rainbow in color and constantly shifting, was appearing on the walls and disappearing again faster than I could keep up, and I was getting really frustrated because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't develop the lucidity to go through walls, all of them felt too solid. At some point the shadow came out of the wall and gave me some kind of pep talk and told me that I was able to I just had to think of the walls differently. I kept trying and kept failing but eventually I started to feel my hand sink into the wall, it felt exactly like when I was once doing a reality check in a dream by trying to stick a finger through my hand, I felt the wall getting softer and softer, as if it was giving way to my touch, and as soon as I felt it I was able to start leaning into it more and eventually I burst through the wall and found myself in another dimension, it looked a lot like Minecraft except it was some kind of alien dimension where I was surrounded by a bunch of stone pillars with lot a lot of space between them, so I pushed through the wall again and found myself somewhere else, I did it again and again until eventually the dream started going dim. I didn't want to wake up yet but I didn't try to force it too hard so in the process of trying to reorient the dream I ended up losing a bit of lucidity. What came next was quite a bit of psychedelic imagery that I merely stared at while I heard a voice over telling me something that I don't remember anymore. I simply looked as all of the psychedelic imagery started to morph, eventually it became a series of what looked like cartoons and other three dimensional objects, it kind of looked like a demoscene video for the Sega Genesis or something, but then that too started fading away and I was left with only an infinite blue screen and I said something to myself like I have now become a pure consciousness, simply floating in the infinite void. When I was floating around for the first time it was through some kind of flooded parking lot, I was either trying to find my car or the car of my friend, I remember at some point I dreamed that I had a HUD like in a video game, not only me but everyone present was playing some kind of FPS but I don't think I had a gun, it also didn't feel too serious, like everyone knew it was a game. I remember I thought I was cheating because I was able to fly but I don't think anyone else could. The first car I found that I was going to try to hide in was my friend's truck, I think I found my friend in his truck but I don't remember what we talked about and after our meeting he didn't stay for very long, but I remember his car being full of guns. I think after that was when I started to get chased by that guy and then that chase eventually led to me finding that multi-dimensional room. I did some other things in that room that I'm a little embarrassed to talk about so I won't explain. When I was with my mom and we were in the offices of the people who made Killer Instinct I remember being mostly in awe, I explained to the lady who was our tour guide that it was because Killer Instinct, but specifically for the SNES, was my very first video game and I that I remembered it was a game that my mom and I would play together almost every day and I'd make her get to the very end just because I really liked the final sequence when Eyedol fell off the bridge. I remember there was a big statue of Fulgore in the middle of the office space. Eventually we were led out and it turned out the offices were hidden somewhere in a shopping mall but I made a mental note of which doors we were led through in case I ever wanted to come back. It turns out the doors were fairly inconspicuous but there was a number written on the wall so I told myself the number and kept walking. I think when I was leaving the mall I ended up in the floating sequence in the parking lot but I could be wrong. When I was getting chased I distinctly remember I tried to get away from him first by getting on top of what looked like a building but it kind of looked more like a big box made of dirt in Minecraft. He thought he could surprise me by walking up the side of the building like Spiderman but as he was walking up it I simply floated into the sky and he was so surprised that he fell off and hit the ground pretty hard. I really don't remember a whole lot of Jontron's apartment I just remember that I was there, his girlfriend was there, and another one of my friends was there but I don't remember what we were all doing. Another dream that's hard to place from this sequence was ending up in a big library, I was looking for women I found attractive, but in the process I ended up going to the bottom floor of the library which I didn't know was the section meant for kids and there were all kinds of toys all over the floor, I ended up going back to the second or third floor, I think by an escalator. I remember I dreamt that I was at my local university again in the really big courtyard and there was some kind of musical performance that it turns out people drown out by hiring someone to play the snare drum really loudly to overpower the music. I talked a little bit with the drummer and she seemed nice, she was a short girl with short, black hair, and didn't seem to mind the reason she'd been hired to play in the square. At some point I saw another girl and she had a Flying-V style guitar and we talked about playing a little bit, I remember she had light brown hair and wore glasses, and I think a skirt with a hoodie. As I was walking somewhere else I came across someone else who also had a guitar and he asked me for help with it and I obliged him, something about putting on the strap in a strange place, with holes over all of the tuning dials. I said something while we were talking like I just want to drop out of school and spend all of my time playing
and he seemed to agree with me. Dreams from Velpecula.
I dreamt last night but it wasn't very clear. I remember I was in middle school again and I sat in the very back and an old friend with really messy hair who I haven't seen in a while was also there. Before I walked to my desk I went to the teacher's lectern and started reading the detention slips that were in it because I thought the stories of kids yelling obscenities at the teacher were funny enough to read out to the class. The teacher walked in as I was in the middle of reading one and told me to sit down. When I sat down I looked around at everyone there, we were doing introductions. I remember thinking that the first day of school would be really easy since most classes would just be the teacher introducing themselves as well as everyone giving little introductions about themselves. I remember I was going to tell everyone something like, I listen to electronic music, rap music, and black metal because fuck you I can do all three.
I don't really remember much else of what I did in school in my dream, I just vaguely remember what it was like to walk around the halls. I think I was wearing a leather jacket. I had a really weird dream that I was exploring my aunt's old house and all of the rooms were really messed up and disorganized, I said something about it and one of my cousins told me that all of the rooms were quite messy except for one. I was told that one of my cousins had died and that my aunt and uncle had spent a lot of time ensuring that her room was exactly as it was when she died, I looked inside of it and saw that it was in fact quite clean. It looked just like the room of someone who went to high school in the mid 2000's. The strangest thing was, my cousin who died (allegedly in the dream, this cousin of mine is quite alive at the time of writing) was laying right there on their bed, but I was told that this was basically a replicant version of them. The last thing that I remember was I was driving them home somehow and I tried to give them one of my old laptops, I told them it was really slow but that if they would just put Linux or something on a thumb drive it'd probably get faster with an OS reinstall but by the time I finished my sentence I realized they weren't really paying attention. The third dream that I remember was I was with my usual drinking buddies and we were trying to get drunk. I had had one Arizona iced tea that apparently had alcohol and lemon in it and for some reason they let me drive. We were at a green light and I was trying to get the car moving but for some reason I was doing that thing again where the car wasn't actually there, I was just moving my arms and legs as if I was pretending there was a steering wheel and gas pedal, this is the first time someone else was with me while I was doing this. The strangest thing was, although the rest of the car didn't exist, we still had a rear view mirror with which I could see the cars behind me. My friend told me to just let him drive so I got into the passenger seat and miraculously a car materialized and he started driving down the road. I remember my friend told me our other friend was annoyed with me because he didn't expect me to get so drunk from one Arizona. As we were driving around I told him I wasn't really that drunk. The only other strange dream that I remember was that I was in some kind of used game store and I saw that they had both a Panasonic 3DO and a CD-I but I only really wanted the 3DO, a friend was asking why and I told them because I really like the 3DO's completely insane library.
The most vivid part of my dreams tonight was when I found myself in one of those public baths again, I think it was in my school. I remember at the time I was just barely lucid enough that I knew that if I walked through a certain door in a certain part of the school I'd end up at the baths again, but it didn't look exactly like the first time I saw it. There was a lot less steam in the air and it felt more realistic and less dreamlike.
Probably because everything had a more white hue instead of the orange hues I normally associate with the baths. I asked around and the people in the various bathtubs told me it was divided by which school year you were in and that younger students tended to be closer to the front and the older students were in the back. I had a dream that I chose to go to a thrift store closer to my old high school because I thought there might be better stuff there. I looked through the bookshelves but didn't find anything interesting except for a book on Black Sabbath that I had apparently donated earlier when I last had to move all of my books. I stole a huge limited edition 3DS and a Game Boy Advance SP that was in dark gray. I went back to my friend's truck to drive off but I realized I didn't have his keys. I had one in my pocket but it was for a Honda and the keys were tiny. Weirdly enough I was driving the truck without the engine being on, but I could only control where it went and I couldn't accelerate at all. Eventually I found my own keys in my pocket and it turned out they worked with his truck for some reason, so I kept driving. I had the absolute worst sleep tonight so I'm not surprised I didn't dream that much and that I can't remember it that well.
Having trouble staying alseep for long periods of time again. I had a rather bizarre dream that I wasn't myself but a female prostitute with a single child in the late 1700's or early 1800's in the United States. A man was coming to visit me and he seemed rather frantic, he tried to take one of my coats because he was planning on pawning it for a bit of money that he desperately needed. I said no and explained to him that the coat was already a year old so he probably wouldn't get much more than the price I already bought it at. I managed to get him to calm down and walked him over to my bedroom where I got him to lay down on my bed. As he rested on my bed I asked him to explain his problems to make himself feel better and eventually he started telling me about his friend who had a lot of trouble reading the Phenomenology of Spirit. For some reason upon hearing this my lucidity kicked in and I chimed in, saying I find Hegel difficult to read in the sense where I can never really tell if he's making an ontological claim or a metaphysical claim or if the distinction really means anything to him wiht how interconnected his system is, it's as if his Logic, Philosophy of Spirit and Nature form a three part Barber's pole where the higher up you go in the system, you just come back out from the bottom.
He seemed rather puzzled by my response and I said that I was also trying to find time to read the Critique of Pure Reason. He asked me where I found the time. I went through a bizarre dream sequence where apparently ever since that incident, I'd take up more and more time in her head all the time I'd spend reading philosophy books and taking notes in her body she'd experience as the loss of huge chunks of time and wouldn't be able to recognize her own handwriting in mine, despite many different people telling her that it's definitely from her hand. This dream was from the second time I woke up, I don't remember the dream from the first time I woke up even though I relate it to myself in my head and told myself to remember it. Maybe it'll come to me later.