Go to the grocery store and get a bag of frozen tilapia filets. Don't worry about all of the vacuum sealed plastic casings that'll end up in some landfill in a third world country. Defrost the fish while you put about a half cup of rice in a rice cooker. God knows where it was manufactured. If you're lucky, the rice won't have contaminants from being close to some Chinese mine, but who knows. Set a timer for anywhere from 15-20 minutes to let the rice cook while the fish defrosts. Vegetables are optional. When the timer is up use any knife you have on hand to take the filets out of the plastic. I usually use 3 but after being unemployed for so long right now I can only afford 2 filets per serving. One for myself and one for my roommate that can barely take care of themselves. Season the fish with lemon pepper seasoning, Tony Chachere's, and garam masala. If you want it a little spicier you can add red pepper flakes. Fry the tilapia filets in a pan on medium heat with a little bit of olive oil. Hopefully you don't have tiny roaches swimming at the bottom of the bottle. Cook for about 5 minutes on each side. If you want, after you flip the tilapia you can throw in some diced onions. Serve the tilapia on top of the rice. Another option is to cook some scrambled eggs in the pan after you take out the fish. If I take the time to do this what I usually do is put the tilapia on a plate, then cover it with the rice so it stays warm, cook the scrambled eggs, and then put the eggs on top of the rice. Sometimes while I eat it I think about how tilapia has been eaten since the days of Ancient Egypt and I hope that in some small way, eating it connects me to other poor people throughout the centuries. Tilapia, another eternal hypercosmic delight. Serves 1-2.
When you're poor getting groceries can be made really easy by getting the cheapest options available. Since I have working tastebuds the cheapest options I go for are a giant bag of potatoes and a giant bag of onions along with some eggs. This recipe is kind of a clusterfuck and a lot of variants can be made but I'll show you my favorite way to do this. First I dice up a potato, the bigger the better. After cutting it up I throw it into a pan on medium heat with either olive oil or vegetable oil and set a timer on my phone for 10 minutes. I'll season with Tony Chachere's (God's seasoning) and stir them around with the spatula to get it evenly distributed and then cover them so that they're covered for the majority of the 10 minute timer. Then, I'll start to cut up everything that I want to add. It can be a lot of things. Typically, I like cutting about half an onion and half of a bell pepper of any color. If I'm feeling spicy I'll cut up a jalapeño, half of it or all of it. If I want it to be more spicy I'll throw in the tiny jalapeño bits with the onions and bell pepper, but if I want it less spicy I'll throw it in with the potatoes so they cook for longer. I try to make sure all of them are diced, but the jalapeño I like to cut up as small as possible because my roommate is kind of a weenie. After the 10 minute timer is finished that's when I throw in the onions and the bell pepper. I'll reset the timer and let them cook for a little bit, covered with the lid of the pan. At around the 5 minute mark I'll get a tube of chorizo from the fridge and add anywhere from half to the whole chirozo depending on how little I have in my bank account at the time. After I've used the spatula to spread around the chorizo all over the potatoes and everything else to give them a nice red hue I'll cook it covered for about 2 minutes. Last, I add the eggs. Again, I add eggs depending on how many I can afford at the moment so sometimes it'll be around 4 or even 5 and sometimes it'll be as little as 2. Around this time I'll also get a bag of shredded cheese from the fridge and sprinkle it all over the hash while the eggs cook. If I was smart I'd get a bowl and scramble the eggs properly with a fork but I want to feel like a badass so I just crack those motherfuckers in there and stir it around with a spatula the way God intended. Once the eggs don't look like runny snot caked with salmonella, I'll go ahead and serve it to myself and my roommate. Because I'm greedy and the one who spent the time cooking I'll usually give myself a slightly larger portion. Serves 1-2.